Note: I'm not 100% sure that this is the best subreddit for this post, but it's the best I can find so please bear with me (also feel free to suggest another subreddit if there's something more fitting).
TLDR: I've recently come to the conclusion that just about everything is wrong in my life and I'm getting more depressed by the day. I'm not sure how to fix it.
By just about every traditional measure of society, I live a fantastic life. I have a great wife, make a salary that puts me well above the national average in terms of household income, and reside in a nice house in a nice town in one of the best US states to live in (according to most online lists I've read). I should be happy... but I'm just... not.
The problem is that I feel like I'm wasting my most precious commodity... the only thing that REALLY matters in this life... time. I spend 70% of my days sitting in an office staring at a clock, waiting to go home so I can crash on the couch and watch TV because I'm too mentally exhausted to do anything else. The remaining two days of the week fly by in the blink of an eye and then it's back to the grind. Back to my desk. Back to staring at the clock. Back to wasting time. Lately I've started replying to people who say "yay it's Friday" with "yeah, but it's only 3 days till Monday". I don't even particularly hate my job that much. It's a fine enough job. I make good money and I don't have to be outside in the cold/heat swinging hammers on a roof or something like that. I just fundamentally resent the trappings of modernity that tempt us to trade so many of our minutes for dollars. The cars. The house. The vacations (why can I only enjoy life 2 weeks per year instead of all the time?). And I'm disappointed in myself for falling for it.
I read an essay the other day by Hunter S. Thompson that effed up my head even more. It's called "Security" and in it he says:
"...Let us visualize the secure man; and by this term, I mean a man who has settled for financial and personal security for his goal in life. In general, he is a man who has pushed ambition and initiative aside and settled down, so to speak, in a boring, but safe and comfortable rut for the rest of his life. His future is but an extension of his present, and he accepts it as such with a complacent shrug of his shoulders. His ideas and ideals are those of society in general and he is accepted as a respectable, but average and prosaic man. But is he a man? has he any self-respect or pride in himself? How could he, when he has risked nothing and gained nothing? What does he think when he sees his youthful dreams of adventure, accomplishment, travel and romance buried under the cloak of conformity? How does he feel when he realizes that he has barely tasted the meal of life; when he sees the prison he has made for himself in pursuit of the almighty dollar? If he thinks this is all well and good, fine, but think of the tragedy of a man who has sacrificed his freedom on the altar of security, and wishes he could turn back the hands of time. A man is to be pitied who lacked the courage to accept the challenge of freedom and depart from the cushion of security and see life as it is instead of living it second-hand..."
He's describing me here and that depresses the hell out of me. My wife keeps telling me that I should go to therapy or ask my dr. to prescribe anti-depressants or something, but I don't want to go that route. I'm not chemically imbalanced. I don't need Soma from Brave New World. I just need a major change in my life. I need to experience different locations and cultures. I need to prioritize experience over possessions. I need to live life like it's a piece of art; crafted and intentional, not something to be endured. I want to sell everything, buy a boat, and sail for distant shores. I want to take risks, seek adventure, discover things that few have ever seen. I want to live rather than merely exist.
Here's the rub:
My wife does not. She's content. She loves her house. She loves her garden. She loves her friends. She finds satisfaction in her career. Last week I asked her to think about what she REALLY wants out of life because I wanted to talk about it in a few days. A few days later she had no answer for me. She wanted what she has. These things that burn my soul away don't bother her in the slightest. I know a lot of you most likely feel very similar to me. That's why you're here, but do any of you have spouses that aren't on the same page as you? How did you figure it out? Is he/she start to resent you when you started trying to simplify everything? Did you drag him/her along when making major life changes? Did that work? How can I get myself out of the soul-crushing rat race without selfishly torpedoing everything that she knows and loves? How do I talk about this stuff with her without her getting upset for "blaming her"?
Submitted July 23, 2019 at 08:56PM by ThrowItOnTheGround71 https://ift.tt/2GsVVjV
