Hello!
I'm an Indian male, 22 y/o, living with my family. My job starts in October so I have got practically nothing to do for 5 more months, and I have somehow survived (barely) the last 3 months this way.
I go to the gym thrice a week, and attend music lessons to keep myself busy and distracted. I weigh 50 kilos, which is very less, and I've been trying to gain weight, but I keep failing. (body issues)
As an Indian, living with a family can be daunting because I've to deal with incredible amounts of expectations for things that don't make sense. If you're an Indian, you would probably understand.
My mom makes it all a living hell for me to even breathe peacefully. My family is conservative, and I am not allowed to be out of the house to hang out with friends most of the times. (family issues)
I have started developing mental issues, and I've lost all self-esteem, and temperament. I have started losing my shit lately, and I have to sometimes shout at my mom to leave me alone and let me live peacefully. I blame her for the anxiety I've been developing. I went to a psychiatrist, he diagnosed dysthemia, and gave me pills, but they made me feel so dizzy, I left them.
I am going to move out and live alone as soon as my job starts, but it's still 5 months away.
Losing self-worth and having an identity crisis doesn't help in dating, as it makes me so anxious and because I've nothing to do for the most part of my day, I can't help but check my phone every 5 minutes for any texts from the girl I've been talking with; there are no texts because people have a life; unlike me.
I have started reading books, and getting my shit together, mentally; but it is so hard, and i keep falling again and again.
I don't want to be this emotional mess, and rather, I wanna live in peace and solitude. I don't want to seek answers from the outside, and rather, be self-sufficient.
"a sigh of capitulation as the weariness of the way the things are slowly takes over and the caravan of thought loses its shape as my eyelids can keep but only half a millimetre exposed to the world outside. don't wake me."
Submitted April 12, 2019 at 12:26PM by emorres25 http://bit.ly/2P3uiAY
