I'm 22 years old. That's fairly young, sure, but the older I get I simply can't understand life. It's like I was supposed to be born on a different planet. You have to work to live, and even after WORKING (which I would say is pretty damn responsible already) if you don't have money saved up, you're an irresponsible POS that doesn't think about emergencies. I remember HATING high school. I basically just told myself in high school that my dream was to be homeless. School sucked and life sucked and I just wanted to be homeless and kinda live that lifestyle. Less stress and less stuff to think about. Simple living! Seemed most effective and efficient! I remember I told my mom and it DESTROYED her. She would yell "You're gonna make something out of yourself!" And it's like, why? Many successful people commit suicide or just can't handle the stress of having high status, so wouldn't that be inefficient? If stress takes years off your life, shouldn't you pursue what keeps you alive the longest? People say "don't eat unhealthy foods for this reason" but if stress is also unhealthy, then why pursue anything other than the least stressful thing and completely eradicate all things from your life that cause stress that's realistically eradicatable?
This is how I see it.
I was the most successful when I didn't exist. For billions of years, I've never offended anyone, I've never felt stress, I've never disappointed people, I've never failed, etc. But because my mom and dad decided to get frisky one night, I was thrown into a world/country FILLED with expectations. I never asked to be born, I was quite content not living for billions of years. Hell, I can't remember complaining or feeling any despair in that nothingness! I was completely content and successful for billions of years. It was consistent, none the less!
I'm not suicidal. I used to be, but I've come to terms that I simply can't know where my life is heading at my young age. But unfortunately, not being "suicidal" isn't as awesome as people like to say it is. Once you overcome your suicidal thoughts, those same people that supported you throw more expectations on your shoulders. Interesting globe of pollution we live on.
I also think about eternity ALOT. It just makes the most sense to me. If I'm gonna be dead much longer than I'm gonna be alive, then it just makes the most sense to focus on that. Mathematically it doesn't sit well with me to just think about how I can fulfill this life before death. I gotta think about what comes after! That's the longer part, so it's the most important part to me. Maybe it's nothingness. Maybe it's heaven. Maybe it's hell. Maybe it's a bunch or shirtless dudes doing DMT together. I'm not sure, but I ponder it, especially with how confusing and silly this life is, I ponder if there is anything after. It would be so weird if we just exist and then stop existing for eternity. The oddest thing...
I'm thinking about starting a business, but that goes back to the stress thing. What's the damn point of creating a product and selling it. Even if I do manage to get rich, unless I sell my company to another company, I'm still stuck working for my company to make sure it runs smooth especially if I have employees. Wheres the win? Even dudes like Elon Musk seem and look so depressed and alone like holy shit. 21 billion dollars but a whole lot of weight on your shoulders, I don't see the point. At least he can see a vision though! Putting people on Mars isn't easy work, but man I can't imagine all the stress he feels. Brain must be wrecked.
If any of this resonates with you guys, that's all I wanna know. Just feel so stuck in these thoughts and confusions.
Submitted March 08, 2019 at 01:18AM by dolphinDNA https://ift.tt/2Uq78a5
