I have lived for nearly twenty two years a life of questions on a journey of detours and roundabouts; failing day after day to discover a path that lasts. Always transitory, always divergent, always cut short. I can never seem to resolve on a single satisfactory goal.
I have contemplated following a path of apprenticeship in the trades, but found I have neither the body nor the soul to endure that (such aversion to the soul-crushing labor has been doubled by my experience in the warehouse). Before, I thought of joining the Navy where my career may be chosen for me, at least for the four years to follow. But I simply can't abandon my love in the states. She is my partner and where we go, we go together. It is an uncompromising companionship we have.
I have since considered work in security, in web design, in engineering, in teaching; and all these considerations have ended in irresolution. At the moment, I'm working in a warehouse, wasting my life and body away under the cold lifeless eyes of my superiors. My body aches, my youth feels drained. "I know not where life shall bring me next" I have thought for the past month.
Reading has been my only escape from this relentless drudgery of life. I read for hours a day, not wishing to think on anything but the book held in my sore hands. Having read Robinson Crusoe, Call of the Wild, Siddhartha, the writings of John Muir and those of Emerson, and plenty more, I have been awakened to the primeval longings of my spirit, which have haunted internally in the gloomy silence of this wretched oppressive world. Now, having drunk of the words, imagery, and ideas of these passionate authors, the picture of what I seek is drawn and made alive; and that gloomy silence is finally broken by the euphonious songs of Nature calling out to me. Her voice seems to resound in one manifestation or another in all that I have read.
To the make conclusion that I've contented myself with simple and concise: I wish to answer this call of Nature. By any means. However I shall sustain myself and live in her presence, I have not yet an inkling. I've been ruminating on starting a small farm. I know I need to purchase acreage, farm animals, and invest a heavy sum into construction of the homestead (if I so choose to start from scratch depending on my options). My savings now is nothing to boast of ($600~) in the face of such a grand undertaking. My partner and I both work, although we work part-time. We're both determined to achieve this idyllic life. I've already in my heart deemed college academia worthless for availing me at all in this journey. I am not content here in southern California, living among cities and suburbs. I want to work for myself in pastures, eat and be nourished with my own food grown by the love of the earth. My partner and I wish to make this change of life soon. I know an overnight transition is impossible but perhaps within a short span of some months to a year or two at most.
Please, give me whatever guidance you can. I am becoming desperate. I took today off from work. I should be working today but I feel weighed down by this great unhappiness with where I'm at in life. I have these short flitting thoughts of running away and starting my life anew forthwith. Surely people before who have done just that found themselves eventually yes? Christopher Mccandless did, and though he perished in youth, he realized a life of peace, beauty, and communion with Nature. If my life must be short in order to reach those joys, so be it. I want to take life by its reins!
How did you, those of you who have succeeded amid all the bitter and toil, escaped the wretched samsara (game) of life and made for yourself a peaceful simple life? One where despite its occasional toil you have found a place of comfort that you never want to leave behind.
Submitted July 17, 2017 at 03:02PM by Dsand1995 http://ift.tt/2u2yqqv
