I think that a brief share of my personal "awakening" experience may help some out there, and that sharing it will also help me too. I'm grateful for Reddit as a platform for me to share with you (I just learned about it within the last week). I think it's a prime example of the "good' that comes from technology.
This is my first post, and in order for me to properly share my experience, I find it important that I first say these two things that are obvious: The content i'm producing on this forum is all based in form- all based in thought and in OPINION. The very nature of thought forms is so extremely limited in it's ability to be deep, and this post is no exception to that: It's extremely limited. I think it's important for us to simply listen and share with one another- not judge how "enlightened" we are based off each others thought forms. It's our job as humans to access our true self, to work to simply raise our consciousness and align with the whole.
I was in the military for 6 years, from ages 18-24. I served the role of a Special Operations Helicopter Crewchief in the most prestigious Black Hawk helicopter unit in the world. I went on several overseas combat deployments to places like Iraq, Afghanistan, and Syria. Any additional details are unimportant. 2 months after transitioning out, I was diagnosed with PTSD and General Anxiety. 4 weeks later, I started having crippling panic attacks. My body FUCKING HURT EVERYWHERE. I was having terrible nightmares. I basically just exercised myself to "death" to cope. I also drank a lot of alcohol, which made things significantly worse. I was prescribed several different medications, some of which helped me a bit.. but mostly leaving me feeling broken. I was working SO hard, putting SO much effort in and seemingly getting nothing back. I knew I cared for other people, but I only cared about "the good people." The black and white mental landscape was extremely real to me.
I had A LOT of unconscious pain. I identified with ALL of the thoughts, and they NEVER stopped. I had a GIANT LOAD of ego..Ego like you ain't never seen before. I couldn't feel love. I couldn't feel compassion, empathy or have understanding for others. I always conceptually KNEW (in my conditioned thinking brain) what "the right thing to do" was, so I became a sort of an actor: playing the role of the big tough, badass US Army veteran who had "experiences" and pain no one else could ever relate to. It WAS my identity. My life situation improved, but I was still stuck in what I think of severe unhappiness. I was literally exercising myself sick- 12-15 hours a week, but still overweight and with high blood pressure. I binge ate, I binge drank, and was still taking a large amount of medication.
A friend told me about meditation 2 years ago. I downloaded an app called "Headspace" and I tried it out. For the first year and a half, it basically just made me feel worse- add it to the pile of things i'm not good at. "Who the F**K has time to just sit and do nothing?!?", I remember constantly thinking. I had never even taken a concious breath in my LIFE. I tried for years, read books, but nothing really clicked.
Just within the last 3 months, though, I have made some absolutely incredible breakthroughs. My entire world has shifted to a degree that is indescribable with words. I can attribute the shift to the lifestyle I began to live, as well as the books i've read and the habits i've created.
I think there is a general misconception in the mass majority of people's eyes about "spirituality." I was definitely one of those people convinced it was some sort of, for purposeful lack of a more evolved term, hippie bullshit. I've found it's much, much simpler than anything I could've previously imagined. It's simply about self connection. It's about being able to consciously peel back and dissolve the layers of thought and conditioning, of the ego. I think that anything inside you that isn't Love has got to go. If that sounds ridiculous, it's likely because of this: you're conceptializing what i'm saying, making it into a mental image that you can "understand." Don't label, don't make into a form. The conceptual mind can't fully wrap it's head around what i'm saying, it can only be felt through intense presence and awareness. If anyone is interested in hearing more, please comment. I don't want to take up too much space here. Much love.
Submitted March 29, 2020 at 07:52PM by Onewith-life https://ift.tt/3dCctVC
