I originally posted in r/legaladvice and was pointed to this sub for better help.
I'm (21F) a senior in college currently in the process of applying to medical school. I attend school in NY, but my parents live in FL. After I graduate in May, I will be going back home to FL for the summer. I have already applied to various programs and jobs throughout the country waiting to hear back. And am applying to medical school to start after a gap year.
I come from a VERY traditional South Asian family. My parents have always been helicopter-type and overbearing - tracking my phone's location, forcing multiple daily phone calls, putting a security camera IN MY APARTMENT, and even calling the cops to check up on me once when I was asleep because I missed their called as my phone was on silent. I've had to deal with their insanity because I am VERY financially dependent on them, and any time I piss them off they threaten to make me drop out of college and get me married. Empty threats-but they do the job of "scaring me straight." TBH I'll do what I want anyways, I've just become a very good liar.
It has become clear to my that my parents do not prioritize my career goals and expect me to follow their traditional values to become a housewife. This week, my parents got mad at me for being out at 1AM with friends, so they have locked me out of my bank account and changed the login info. I am tired of their BS and want out. So, I have decided that once I hear back from the programs and jobs I've applied to, I'm going to pick the best opportunity and pursue it, with 0 financial help from them. They use the fact that I need daddy money as leverage and I'm not trying to give them that power anymore. Once they realize that I'm about to financially cut myself off from them, they will be shocked and all hell will break loose, I can feel it in my bones. But this is the only way for me to establish the boundaries I need.
In August, I want to move out and pursue medical school and finance it myself through loans. I've always had everything done for me so I'm pretty overwhelmed at where to begin. I have no idea how to adult.... If anyone has any tips or can point me in the right direction I'd really appreciate that. Here are some questions that have crossed my mind.
1- My dad has my birth certificate, passport, SS card, and everything. I can't simply just ask him for these. If I order replacement documents, will my home address be sent any sort of confirmation that another copy has been requested? If I get copies of these documents, but my dad also has copies, is this bad? Can he do things/access my finances with these copies?
2- I've never had/used a credit card, but my dad has had one in my name which he uses to build me credit. He would never try to sabotage my credit. But, is there a way for me to remove myself from this card without him knowing/being able to stop me?
3- I have a joint bank account (BOA) with my mom which my parents have access to. I only use this account to buy food. But I have quite a bit of savings in my bank account, do I have a claim to this money, and how can I access it if my parents have locked me out and monitor this account?
4- As a student tutor, I get my paychecks mailed to me and use cash for all my other expenses. I want to open another bank account, if I use BOA, will my mom have access to the new one as well? If my parents find out about this account, can they just walk in and claim a right to access it?
5- If I take out student loans, do I need someone to co-sign? I have no clue how loans work. If I have my brother (19 years old), cosign and I happen to die somewhere down the line, will my brother now have to deal with my debt? Are loan counselors biased? Will I be manipulated into selling my soul to the government? What resources can I use to make the most informed decision?
6- Is there anything else I should be thinking about? My plan is to completely cut off financial ties to my parents. I hope they understand I am serious about this and support me. But, worst case scenario is that they will cut off familial ties and not speak to me anymore. Best case scenario, they realize if they still want a relationship with their daughter, they can support me and respect my choice to be independent.
Submitted February 15, 2020 at 06:53PM by smilesngiggleshehe https://ift.tt/39DT5Vv
