TLDR; I recently started dating someone and realized that budding relationship has negatively affected my health, habits and finances. I've since realized I can't change her habits, only my own and have asserted myself to positive results.
My Health: I have gained 16lbs from dining out much more, eating treats (that I usually avoid), not packing my lunch bc lack of free time, and eating at erratic times. I quickly gained half of the weight I lost over the Spring and Summer. My outlook of myself has changed and it's affected my sex drive.
Finances: My gal is a recent grad (Master's) of a profession that will pay well, she was between jobs so I've picked up most of the tab for: food, entertainment and even helped with her groceries, etc. I've made these choices willingly as I was/am still courting her and have wanted to make her life easier. But I am not saving nearly as much money as I hope to.
Habits: Upon her suggestions, I've generally have been open to doing things that are contrary to my frugal habits, such as using paper napkins instead of rags, buying certain household items when I rely on natural/homemade alternatives, going out more etc. Moreover, I generally go out of my way to make her comfortable-- and she has become comfortable! She has cooked less for us, has treated me to dinner less and has helped only if asked. All this leaves me less time and money for myself.
To be clear, I genuinely love spending time with her (she's sweet, generous with her time and really good for my mental health) and take full responsibility over my choices. She also is the one that drives us as I rely on public transportation.
In Short: I've used her current state of finances to set the stage for how I hope our relationship will play with my frugal habits by telling her that I know she is between jobs but I treasure: 1. "SAVING, saving gives me a sense of security." 2. "Organizing my life in a way that helps me save." 3. "Gestures from her that don't require money, like her making dinner, or helping around the house." 4. "Making meals together." 5. "Bargain shopping/finding deals (she likes shopping/window shopping)." 6. "DIY, building things/fixing things together (will help me save $ in the long run)." 7. "Finding fun free things to do around town." 8. "Getting out more with our dogs (will help with exercise)."
I told her that I feel overworked and that I miss her treating me to dates or making dinner, she mentioned she's been stressed but would be more conscious of our dynamic. Since then, I've been treated to several freaking delicious home made meals, flowers, the Injustice comic series rented out for me, a clean house and fed pets, and countless other gestures.
The Biggest Takeaway: The biggest takeaway is that I realize I can't change her habits, only assert my lifestyle choices and hope that they influence her. I no longer buy things she suggests that I know I wont need or are bad for me (like ice cream, chips, soda, ketchup, or paper towels), I tell her that she's free to eat before she gets here but I plan to make dinner and she's free to join me, I started meal prepping again and leaving her to her own devices as I do so, if she doesn't care to join. I've also offered less costly outings. She's hinted that she craves this one Mediterranean restaurant, I simply listen and affirm how delicious the food is, waiting for her to suggest that we should go--that she'll treat. :)
October 23, 2018 at 10:25PM
