So my younger brother was once given a $127,000 settlement when he was about 20. He wasted that entirely, on parties, impressing his "Friends," video game collector shit, and who knows what else to the point he was evicted from his dingy apartment and was living in his car and taking showers at my house occassionally.
Well, here we go again. Our parents are deceased. My dad left us each $200,000 in 2015. My brother moved to California, got a shitty job and a basically shitty apartment and became horribly addicted to video games and internet live cams. These live cam sites are sites where you pay like 9 bucks a minute to tell a person on the cam what to do. So he said he would spend HOURS on there every night and that he's blown 5k a night on them before. Of course I didn't find any of this out until he called me in a panic realizing he was out of money.
$200k gone. He's got NOTHING to show for it except some halfway decent furniture in his shitty apartment which he is on the verge of being evicted from. He sold everything else trying to scrape together money last month. He's been driving for Lyft and applying at basically every retail place. I don't think he really knows how to navigate job searching sites and the picture he sent me of his resume was...not impressive. He wouldn't let me work on it because he can't stand having his mistakes corrected, and he tells me that I have a "Mommy complex."
He keeps saying that as a single white male he's not eligible for any sort of benefits or food stamps or whatever. He missed the window for applying for unemployment back when his other job shut down because he was still living on the 200k and thought he didn't need it.
He doesn't have much of a career path or goal. He wanted to go to school but never actually applied when he had money. He worked at Walmart until he got fired due to some stresses he was experiencing with trying to take care of our dying father, and since then he's sort of picked up odd jobs here and there. I would say he has zero skills other than customer service, inventory management and personnel management since he was in charge of some people at Walmart. He did work at an event planning place for a while where he set up tables and chairs and loaded trucks and such. That, he really liked, but the owner shut down and moved cities.
I don't live in the same state as he does and I have already sent him 1.4k this month alone. He says he's certain he's going to get a job this month because the place he worked at before wants him back seasonally for Christmas, but it's part time and min wage. It's not going to cover jack.
His bills are:
244 car insurance (HOW?!)
325 car payment
795 rent (880 now with late fees)
100 phone
50 internet
50ish Electricity
So right now he wants me to send him $880 for rent so he doesn't get evicted. But...I don't see how he's going to pick all this up next month. I feel like I have already thrown a lot of money away on him.
He thinks that between driving for Lyft and doing this part time job, he will be ok. I don't think he will. I don't think he understands the income vs expenses AT ALL. He says he does, but he's also scared and will say anything to placate me.
Also, he recently found out my dad left 11k sitting in a checking account so he is after that like a madman. I don't really care if he gets it or not, but he says he'll pay me back if he does. I'm not sure he actually will because on top of being bad with money he is a TERRIBLE liar. He lies about EVERYTHING and he's bad at it so it's not hard for me to catch him in his lies. Anyway, if he could use it to get his situation under control, then good for him.
Now, the money I have been giving him is coming from my 200k, which I have NOT wasted. I sold a house that we were underwater on, bought a new house, went to grad school (funded but not terribly well), paid off some stuff, and still have 60k left.
My husband and everyone I know tells me don't give him the money. But on the other hand, I don't want my brother to suffer when I can help him out. Like, why should I let him get evicted if I can spare him that? I know if I give him this money I'm not getting it back, and he already brazenly asked me for 2k which I just flat out said no to.
If I give him the money...how can I help him stop being such a dumb ass? Does he need to just go through this to learn his lesson? The cruelty of that seems really inhumane to me, I guess. If I don't give him the money, where will he end up?
An additional problem is that I won't let him come crash at my house if he does get evicted and drives across country back to where I am. I have a house with spare rooms. he thinks it's unfair of me to not open my doors. But he's gnerally lazy, he's a liar, and he got into all this shit himself. I have a hard time with too much sympathy. I honestly believe he is sociopathic. He is incredibly charming to everyone he meets and everyone adores him and thinks he's in such a bad situation.
He has blown huge sums of money TWICE. First 127k he was supposed to save for residual medical expenses from his hip surgery after the car accident and now 200k from my dad's life insurance, and now he's after me to pay his rent.
Anyway. Ideas? Suggestions?
Logically I KNOW I should not give him the money and the $1.4k I already gave him was probably a mistake too. It's the family/morality of it I'm having a hard time with. If I can help, why shouldn't I?
Submitted September 19, 2017 at 03:36PM by whats_a_budget http://ift.tt/2jKa6Zc
