Throwaway account because I don't necessarily want this tied to my personal account. I am in a constant state of regret, panic and borderline depression, so I kindly ask that any replies refrain from judgment, as I know I have already fucked up.
My spouse was in school full-time and out of the workforce for the past five years. He recently started a new job, and on paper our prospects look great. Now, we have a combined income over $170K. I'm in my late 30s. He's in his mid 40s.
The reality underneath is far messier. I supported us while he was unemployed, and due to many bad decisions and various unforeseen expenses, I accumulated $40K in credit card debt. In two years, I clawed my way out of a good chunk of it, and it now totals around $28K. Since he started his job, I had the ability to become more aggressive in payments and in rebuilding my savings (now about $15K) and making greater contributions to my 401K (now around $175K). We haven't had a car, so no car payments or insurance. No student debt. We have paid VERY below-market for our rent, despite living in a HCoL area, for what is essentially a three-bedroom+office space near public transportation for $1,300/mo. Our rent had only been raised once in like five years. However, due to debt, it was very much a struggle while we only had one income. I freelance on the side for extra cash. Depending on the month, it can bring in anywhere from an extra $200-$1,000. Historically, I've pushed it toward debt/bills, but lately I'm funneling it toward savings. We have really cut a LOT of expenses (no cable, work pays for my phone), don't really go out to eat (especially not this past year) and rarely buy clothes, etc. Haven't taken a real vacation in years - maybe a long weekend once a year.
Last year, after much hand-wringing, we finally made the decision to try to get pregnant. Age-wise, we were worried time was running out. We figured that if my spouse was still unemployed by the time baby, he could cover child care. We would make it work. And if he got a job, even better!
So, I got pregnant very quickly -- honestly, far sooner than I expected given my age. Spouse landed a job with a good salary, and splitting the bills finally was a HUGE relief. He also has some smaller debts to pay, but eventually he will be able to help me with mine.
And then we found out our rent was going up -- significantly, to $1900/mo. The landlord wants to renovate and rewire the unit, requiring us to relocate for two months. It is not optional. We considered just moving, but in our area, frankly we would pay more and get less in terms of space, and the upfront costs of changing apartments (first month, last month, security deposit, agent fee, etc.) just felt like lighting our savings on fire. We are not in a position to buy, especially not in this market. And while our apartment isn't perfect, $1900/mo is still a steal for what we have.
Baby is arriving very soon. Every day, I am completely wracked with shame, panic, regret and dread during what should be a happy time. I feel like we seriously, grossly miscalculated the financial aspect of this decision. When I try to draw up a budget for our anticipated basic expenses (not counting food, diapers, etc.), it's doable but VERY tight. And I'm now about 5.5 months along, so there is no going back. And we have to buy a bunch of shit for the baby, as I don't think anyone will be throwing me a shower. Meanwhile, this debt feels like an anchor pulling me underwater. I am devastated just thinking about all this money I'm throwing at credit card debt that could instead be put toward financial stability and a future for our family. Every day, I wish we had waited another year to start trying for a baby. I probably could have knocked out another $8-10K, which would still leave a lot left but feel more like the end is in sight.
Since I know people will suggest this: I have considered taking a personal loan with a lower interest rate for the credit card debt, but frankly the lack of flexibility in monthly payments makes me a bit nervous -- especially as I prepare to go on maternity leave and so many other expenses are suddenly in flux. Maybe it sounds crazy, but it feels somewhat "safer" right now to have the option to only make minimum monthly payments on the CCs if needed.
In terms of immediate needs and my purpose for this long, rambling, emotional post: We need to get a car for the baby, who is due at the end of October. While the area we live in is relatively urban and walkable -- with access to public transportation, Uber and Zipcar -- it's not a downtown metro area. We're just outside a major city and will require a car for getting baby to/from doctor's appointments and, eventually, daycare five days a week (another upcoming new expense). We can't make a move on getting a car until September due to the renovation/relocation (we're subletting a place without parking).
I am hopelessly torn between buying used or leasing. I know the market for both is terrible right now and that this sub hates leasing, but I feel like a lower monthly payment is probably we what we need to survive this period. And leasing could take some of the worry out of major repairs, right? (Neither of us are car-savvy people.) And I would not be taking on a new loan on top of this already absurd amount of debt. If we bought used, we would need to get a 60-month loan, which I know is also horrible, but in terms of monthly payments, I just don't think we'll be able to swing a 36-month loan without dipping into savings (which I would already need to do to put money down on a car). But of course, owning a car means the payments would eventually stop and I wouldn't sweat every little ding or dent in the vehicle. I'm very partial to an older model Honda HR-V, as it seems safe, reliable and would last a long time. And I know the list price on leasing doesn't include taxes, titles and fees, so maybe it breaks even... ugh, I don't know what to do.
Sorry, I know this post is like 90% whining and 10% personal finance question. :(
Submitted June 27, 2021 at 04:57PM by throwaway9874857384 https://ift.tt/3hcXfJb
