Background: immigrant single 60 year old mother, working 12 hour overnight shifts at local fast food place. 120K remaining on a 4 bedroom townhouse. Paying 50% of paycheck on home mortgage.
Me: 31 year old female in professional school, big debt and trying to study hardcore to pass exams. 30 year old brother working a corporate job making 80K+
Basically my mother has no retirement plan. Nothing ready. Due to culture, there is an expectation that we as children will provide for her. However, when I try to have . conversation that such crazy hours need to stop at this age, let's look at finances, all the different options, she starts crying, very defensive, very untrusting of her children and everyone. Very negative thinking. I know enough about psychairty to know that this is a common response. Culturally, she believes that money = love, and that instead of discussing options, we should just magically take care wihtout actually talking about what's best , what she prefers, what works. I guess that's a cultural difference, but any psychairist will also tell you that's kind of emotional blackmail too - confusing two different things. But alcholics are the same - in denial when someone tries to approach them, and go bizzark.
Tried to encourage her to go to doc and get some anti-depressants.
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My brother's response is forget about it and focus on your self. But this strategy is not solving the issue.
I tried to tell him lets talk 1 hour a week per month and try to look at different solutions to this issue, but this family deosn't believe in talking like adults. I am afriad that at her age, this kindof hours can be a huge health risk.
Any advice for me how to do this? Try to reach out again and ask brother to talk to me in a couple of months even if Mother preferes to be defensive and in denial?
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1) Pay off the loan (put in 60k between me and brother plus her savings = 90K).
2) Downsize to 90K townhome 1 bed.1bath and pay cash / no mortgage
3) Try a different loan terms/program
4) Move to retirement home(?)<--her idea
5) Move to developing country (I see big cons with that, $2k visit + travel time, things are quiet expensive there too, dangerous country with high expensive healthcare, costs of maid/food/transport-private taxi isn't easy)
6) Rent a room elsewhere <---her idea (not realistic)
7) Move with her son in 2 years<--- her idea------,again let's worth discussing so he knows that and can decide for if that's plausible for him
8) Buy another 2 bed/2bath in same complex on another mortage ---her idea --I don't think that will change much of the real cash flow situation
TLDR; elderly mom without any plans for retirement. Goes defensive when appraoched to have a discussion. Brother not supportive and wants to push problem and "focus on self"
Submitted October 08, 2019 at 08:09PM by deepbreaths22 https://ift.tt/2OxJYhG
