At the start of this year, I had an internship as a software developer at a bank. I took this internship with the goal to pay off my student loans and save up for my future classes. (They paid around $29 CAD/hr before taxes)
That internship taught me a lot, but it is also made me realise that I value time over money. During that time, I came home each day mostly exhausted. It was my first full-time job as well so maybe that was another factor. Even if I had money, I felt like I had no time to enjoy whatever it can provide me.
When I started university, passion was something that I had. I wanted to be the best at what I did for recognition and I wanted a lot of money. I wanted to work at a high paying company like Google for the status... I truly believed that money == happiness and nothing else. I would have sacrificed everything for it. Over time, I learnt that it is not necessarily the case... I still work on my class assignments and study to my best ability, but I would not call myself passionate.
I am just starting to learn that we need money to survive (rent/groceries/bills). But, I feel like I don't need much money to live. I don't have any debt as of now. I am not as interested in travelling nor owning a house. Likewise, not as interested in romantic relationships either. As for spending, I would splurge mostly on a laptop because of coding and it's my main source of entertainment. That would be my most expensive purchase up to date.
I don't think I am depressed. I am mostly an introverted person and I like to spend more time in my own company. I still find joy in little things like spending time with my family and friends, playing video games, learning, reading, taking long walks, listening to music... I still enjoy coding and working on side projects. I feel more content with the life than at the start of university where I felt like I needed external recognition to be valued as a human being.
But, something feels like it might be missing right now. I still haven't figured out what that is. Part of it is this strange guilt feeling of being content and not chasing for something new.
I wonder if anyone else feels this way as well?
Thanks.
Submitted June 13, 2019 at 08:24PM by lostinfictionworld http://bit.ly/2XiooCU
