I (29f) am looking at first time home ownership, with my so (27m), and we’ve had our first swap of bank statements. I knew I wasn’t in the best shape, but didn’t expect such a harsh shaming today, and it’s starting to feel like I deserved it.
For starters, i have a working class background, and had a few disruptions in my education out of financial necessity. I only graduated with a bachelors at 27, and was still feeling pretty good about myself, having only a small savings, but no school debt. I knew I wasn’t in the top 5%, but I felt i was doing okay.
Today, while talking to a loan officer, and while comparing statements, SO almost had a meltdown upon finding a meager 17k in my accounts (he has been thinking of this joint home purchase for some time, I didn’t plan or consider it until about 1 week ago when he brought it up). I felt his reaction was unnecessarily harsh, as until 1.5 years back, my salary went just to rent and tuition (and only 3 years of living wages) so i asked a childhood friend (from a more middle class background), and got a double lecture over my meager 401k. While mentioning that perhaps being part of a two income household (my so and i do not live together) might allow for better economy of scale and savings, i got Sarah Jessica Parker slammed on shoe expenditures and frivolous spending, and assured that i was only in my mess because of my own bad behavior. I didn’t necessarily expect her to comfort me, but I expected some empathy, since she has known that I’ve lived alone exclusively and didn’t enter adulthood with many privileges.
At what point did you have you financial failures shown to you? Am I being hypersensitive in feeling criticized and attacked? Aside from “making more money”, and standard stuff like cook at home instead of eating out (already doing the obvious stuff), what advice would you offer to someone who needs to quickly get their act together?
Submitted May 19, 2019 at 06:47PM by sociallyinept89 http://bit.ly/2Juty81
