Give people positivity and patience with adjusting to your new frugal habits. It's free and can relieve a lot of social anxiety.

I see a lot of posts on here trying to ask "How do (I/We) deal with (people) in (social situations that aren't frugal)?"

Whether it's work lunches, going out to eat with friends, drinks at the bar, or social events like concerts, people that used to spend money are deciding to do something different--and subsequently getting anxiety that people notice the difference or seem uncomfortable.

If you're new to the frugal game, or have just made a commitment to stop doing x or y, there's a few things you need to keep in mind when it comes to social situations.

1. People notice change. Humans are really good pattern-seekers, and we recognize patterns without even realizing they are patterns. So, when someone is doing something different, we are very aware.

2. People are wary of change. There's something in our brains that tells us change is bad until we see otherwise. This isn't necessarily a negative thing, but it does mean it's an obstacle you need to recognize when you're out there making changes. Just think of all the times GOOD changes happened but you were still anxious/upset for a while when it first occurred.

3. A REALLY good thing to do is prep your friends. If you're starting to think up frugal plans, and friday night steakhouse night is no longer on the menu, tell them about it at a friday night. "Hey guys, I'm thinking about doing this new thing..." people handle change much better when they have a heads up.

4. You also need to show people the good part of your change. You need to own it, and be open about it. You don't have to justify your decisions to everyone in the universe, nor do they need to understand you, but if this is someone you regularly hang out with connect a bit and tell them what's up. Trying to hide it or excuse it only makes people more concerned. They're already naturally wary, and have noticed a difference... so shed some light on the situation. Tell them outright the changes you're making--and the exciting things you're doing instead. Ask how they feel about it, or if they'd like to change with you and try something new like old-school wetbar at the house vs going to the bar every week. You need to maintain positivity through this, because....

5. If you show signs of negativity, they'll be negative as well. If you say negative connotations, they will pick up on that and the signals will be mixed.. and it's easy to say it in a negative light. "I can't." is something that triggers a negative feeling in people right away. Instead of saying "I can't go to the bar man." say "You know, the bar is alright I guess, I just don't value doing that tonight as much as what I've got going on. I'd be happy to catch a beer with you at my place before you go out though." Instead of saying, "Man, I'd love a burger, but nah.." just say, "The burgers here are great, I just already ate. I know I won't appreciate a good burger if I'm not really hungry, so I'm good."

6. Be patient. I cannot stress this part enough. People will adjust, and get 'used' to the new habit. Someone coming out to dinner and not eating might seem weird to people at first... but if you talk to them about it once, and then show them it's a positive thing with your attitude and actions, they'll just fall into place and it won't be a big deal anymore. It's that initial bump people need to get over. You keep doing you and maintain a positive tone throughout it and people will soon lose interest in the whole thing and it'll just be the new normal.

7. Think of some comebacks ahead of time. Sometimes just looking at potential situations/scenarios people can say and having something in your back pocket ready to go helps with social anxieties. If you think you'll get the question, "Why'd you come if you didn't want to eat?" that can feel very judgmental and offputting--but might be coming from a place of curiosity too. Foster the positive by having a solid comeback for it. "I didn't get to choose the place to hang, otherwise I'd have said my place, but y'all were hungry and I wanted to hang out still is all."

8. Offer alternatives that work for you. People might be curious or interested moreso than you think. Offering drinks or food at your place, or a potluck get-together you organize is easy to do and people might really be hungry for something new themselves and not even know it. I mean, think about it, these are your friends.. you probably have some commonalities.

This is free to do, and having these ideas in your head ahead of time when making a change can really help the frugal process go a lot smoother.

Here are some common things I wrote up that I use to Own Your Frugality:

• The I'm-here-for-you "Look, I wanted to hang out with you guys, but I'm not actually down for buying food, so I'm just chilling. If that makes you uncomfortable just say so, but I'm okay with it if you are."

• The Frugalsplanation "I'm not poor. I'm really not. I could spend money if I wanted to.. But I don't want to. I don't want you to 'pick up' my 'slack' because there's no slack. I have my own goals and plans is all, and they feel better to work towards than it does to eat a meal out this week. I'd be happy to tell you those goals if you'd like."

• The After Party "Hey, I'm not down for eating out, but if y'all are hanging out after lmk."

• The slow consumable "I'd like a hot tea please, I've already eaten."

• The Gospel "Hey, man, I know this is college and y'all aren't chefs, but I'm on a budget and I actually like that sort of stuff. For the price of Corey's meal alone we could all have pizza, beers, and snacks at his place."

• The Potluck "Okay, instead of going out to eat, how about we pick our favorite foods from the grocery and meet up at x's place?"

• The DIY "If y'all will buy these 6 items, I'll cook y'all a better meal instead at my place and we can hang out there."

• The Nah "Sorry guys, that's hella expensive I ain't trying to spend my life's savings on organic jelly on a burger. I already cooked something here."

• The Positivity Label "Did someone say frugal?! Yeah, that's me, the frugal lady/dude."

• The homemade Upsell "Guys, that take out tastes like ass in comparison to these dragon noodles I just cooked. Y'all wanna pay $15 for 3 shrimp in some sauce? Get over here and eat some real food."

• The snow/heatwave day "Guys, it's too cold/hot, I ain't stepping a foot outside to wait in line for food, y'all must be out your minds."

• The Dataminer "You know, for $15, that salad just ain't worth it. I started making my own salads and turns out I really do like them better and I can eat that fancy salad for the entire week."

• The vulture (my personal favorite) "I'm just here to eat whatever you guys order too much of. You know nachos are gross as leftovers anyway! I'll split an app with you though if you want."

February 09, 2019 at 02:49PM