So I (28) live in LA and my mother (70) lives in Honolulu, Hawaii. I'm going to try to give the best run down I can without making this so long winded:
For the past 8 years her mental health has been deteriorating but I don't think I truly noticed (or maybe accepted it) until two years ago when my sister (who lives in Europe) and I had to make an emergency trip after discovering my mom owed 3 months in back rent and was being evicted. When we arrived we discovered she had been living in extreme hoarding conditions and was not well.
She ended up staying with my sister in Europe for a month while we worked on a solution. We had urged her to find a place near me to live but she was dead set on returning to Hawaii. We found a room in a house and a temporary job as a dishwasher (again her wishes) and she flew back.
A year later, after a lifetime of begging her to do it, she finally applied for bankruptcy. A miracle. I thought things would be better for her, with her new limitations and clean slate. She seemed to be heading down the right track.
Fast forward to today, for the last three months I've had limited contact with her. She lost her phone a month ago and called once or twice from a neighbor's phone. Today she calls me in an emotional state saying she's been kicked out the place she's been staying in. For the past few months when she does call me she says crazy things about her workplace, friends, and place she's living in. Some of them I feel are true, others not so much. I can't confirm what her living situation was like: she had said she was being sexually harassed by roommates and that they were stealing her groceries and what not but when I asked a friend about what the state of my mom seemed like, she said well. The last contact I had with her she said she slept on the streets last night in front of the house she was evicted from with all the stuff she's been hoarding. She was equally emotional about not knowing where she was going to store all the stuff.
A few things I'm sure of: - My mom suffers from dementia - She has huge financial struggles because of it and her depression, she spends all her money on books, clothes, dishes, random shit and has built up a hoarders collection again - She told me to contact her "boyfriend" for help. I've never met or contacted this guy ever. I called and he said she's been stalking him for the last 2 years and wants to call the police if she continues (a shocking discovery, as my mom has never shown such behavior before but she is completely delusional about her relationships with people) - She has no family except for myself and my sister - She can't live with my sister (who is recently divorced, single mom of two and is in Europe) and she can't live with me (I live in a tiny apartment with my wife and money is tight) - We have invested over $20,000 (my sister and I) trying to help my mom with her debt situations for the last 15 years. And it's lead to this. My sister is basically done with helping her; I was nearing that point until I heard my mom tell me she slept on the street. It was shocking. - She gets $711 per month from Social Security. Has no savings or assets and was recently let go from her job as far as I understand
What are my options to help her? Initially, years back, I was hoping she would find a place close to me to live using her social security plus a part time job. That way she would have contact with family and I could keep an eye on her. But she refused and still refuses help. She isn't well and her mood swings years ago were so heavy that I had to put myself in therapy because I had a nervous breakdown.
I've talked to some professionals and realize that maybe there isn't much I can do because her mental illness is taking over and has been challenging to communicate with. But she's my mom and I just want to feel like I exhausted all options without of course: throwing money at the problem for the 1000th time and losing my sanity in the process.
Just hoping someone has had a similar situation and has advice.
Submitted January 30, 2019 at 01:53AM by trinitykills http://bit.ly/2Bd1eBp
