Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask, if there's a better subreddit or thread please let me know.
I am 24F and my bf is 27M. We've been dating for around 8 months and just recently had some serious conversations. We both are dating with the intent of finding someone to marry, see ourselves getting married within the next 5 years, and feel that we want to marry each other. He lives paycheck to paycheck but as far as dates and things go we don't do anything fancy and split things pretty much 50/50 so money hasn't really been an issue. However, now that I have learned some details about his financial situation and we have discussed a long term future together, I want him to make some changes.
I am currently a student but will graduate in 1.5 years and make around 100k. I am in a very fortunate situation where I have a car and will have a house (all paid off) and am debt free so my only expenses will basically be food and utilities.
He makes around 50k and lives outside his means. For instance his apartment is much nicer and bigger than he needs- its 1440/month (not including utilities). He bought a brand new truck with terrible mpg that he pays 500/mo for. He has 20k in student loans, 6k in credit card debt, and 3k in savings. He pays the minimum balance on his loans and card every month.
If we had not discussed living together and getting married in the not-so-distant future, I would have been more inclined to be like "whatever, it's his money, he can do what he wants with it". However, the prospect of combining our incomes means that I'll essentially be paying for his financial decisions. Idk if it's selfish but my reasoning is why should I have to pay for your debt if you could have? These are my requests:
- His lease is up soon. He expressed wanting to find a cheaper place to live (currently 1440/mo). I sent him some links to places that around 1000. He doesn't think they're nice/big enough. He is unwilling to live with roommates (even with his own bedroom) and bring his costs down even further to ~800. I think he should suck it up and live more modestly.
- I think he should put his 3k savings towards paying off his 6k credit card debt. I get the concept of an emergency fund, but his debt is growing faster than his savings are. I think he should pay off his credit card first.
- He has gotten into buying vintage clothes at thrift stores and flipping them on eBay. I wouldn't mind if he was doing this because it's a hobby he enjoys, but he said his main motivation for it is to make side income. With the costs for shipping, time and gas to drive around to these stores, shop, and ship things out, I don't think it's worth it. He probably makes $75/mo from it. For the same amount of hours he spends doing this, I think he would make a lot more in a part-time retail/service position. However if I said to look into getting a part time job for side income, he would probably say it is beneath him.
- We planned to go on a vacation during my spring break that would be about $800/person. This was before I learned about his finances. He really wants to go on a vacation because he hasn't in a long time, but I think he should put that money towards his credit card debt instead. We could also do a smaller, shorter road trip for ~$200 instead of flying somewhere.
- Overall just spending frivolously on stuff he doesn't need or could get a cheaper alternative. I don't want to be controlling and say hey don't buy that and I'm not saying he has to deprive himself all the time, I just wish he was smarter with his money. For example, he broke his lamp and bought a new one for $60. You could easily get a cheaper lamp for like $10. Another example is he bought a pair of sneakers and is planning to resell them for ~$100 profit. With that profit he intends to buy himself another pair of shoes he wants, whereas I think he should put the money towards his debt.
Basically I just want an outside opinion on if these requests are reasonable to make or how to make these requests in a manner that is non-confrontational. I haven't brought any of this up yet because we haven't been dating too long and only recently had serious discussions. If things work out and we get married, sure I would have enough money to pay off his debts no problem. However I think I would resent him. I know I am only a student, but I have always chosen to live modestly- cheap apartments with roommates, working during school and over holiday breaks, modest car, etc. I want someone who is willing to make the same sacrifices and give up some luxury for a couple years so that we can have money for more important things later, like saving for retirement and college for kids.
Thanks for taking the time to read and thanks in advance for any advice :)
tl;dr- Bf and I recently had serious discussions about getting married in a few years. He has about 26k debt + car payments and I have no debt. When I graduate school and start working, I will have enough money to pay off all his debts in a couple months. But I don't want to if I don't have to. How do I convince him to live more frugally to pay off his debt?
Submitted January 27, 2019 at 07:15PM by rilakk http://bit.ly/2S83HHc
