We are a large family, I am one of six children, all adults now. My parents are incredible people, extremely selfless and always trying to keep peace among our big family. There is also a large age gap between my parents, as my father is 88 years old, my mom is 66. His health is good for his age, but he is not quite as lucid as he used to be and definitely unable to work anymore. My mom works as a supply teacher but rarely takes on new assignments since she is tied up taking care of my dad.
My dad's parents had built a cottage when he was a young boy and brought him up every summer to enjoy it. When he married my mom and had us, it became our family cottage to visit every summer. After so many years, the cottage was not in great shape, but held special memories for all of us. However, it was eventually agreed upon that the cottage should be sold as is before it falls down and kills one of us or lands in the lake, since my parents do not have the money to repair it. This is when my brother (I'll call him JF) suggests that they take out a mortgage on the cottage and use the money to build a new one. The rest of us siblings disagreed with this plan, as the cottage was a guaranteed $500,000 (the value of the land) for my parents to pay off their primary residence and have a decent nest egg to live off the interest and have a modest retirement income from. Regardless, JF convinced my parents to agree with his plan, and he began construction of the new property. Fast forward four years, and he has spent over $1.2 million on this build, and gone through three mortgage lenders in the process after failing to make payments. He has also started renting the cottage out to short-term renters, meaning my parents never get to spend any time in this new cottage that he has built. To make things more complicated, he has had them transfer the ownership of the cottage into his name, arguing that he would need to be full owner to keep the cottage afloat with his relatively high income (he earns $84,000 CAD after tax per year). As it stands, he is full owner of the cottage, my parents never get to stay there anymore, and he uses the rental income to help fund his eccentric lifestyle of parties and expensive toys (he just bought a $15,000 snowmobile last month). As for the mortgage payment, which is about $6,000/month, he covers this using the income from the renters. The rest of his money, which he earns from his full time job, he spends on himself, not them.
I am at a point where I feel I need to do something. My parents' car just broke down two days before Christmas, and when my sister asked JF if he would help them to buy a new one with the cottage property, he says that there is no budget for it. Meanwhile, he drives an $80,000 truck. I hate that I am just idly sitting back and watching him take advantage of my parents every day for the past four years but feel that I am unable to do anything to help them. My question here is: what can I do to help them? If the cottage has been put in his name, can this be reversed? The largest barrier is that my parents listen to whatever he tells them to do, because my mom refuses to say no to him, and my dad is not of full mind and body anymore. It's heartbreaking. I'll add that I am a student with a very modest income and it is not possible for me to currently support them financially.
Maybe I've answered my own question, and there's nothing I can do. I'm happy to accept that if that's the case. But I know there are many capable minds here and there may be something I haven't considered. As I'm desperate, here I am asking for any advice you may have.
Edit: Thanks for the comments. As suspected, I don't see much in the way of options here. All parties are consenting adults, and although I know it is going to hurt my parents, I can't force them to change their actions. My plan is to cut off contact with JF until I see something positive happening for my parents, and recommending to my other siblings (one has already gone full no contact) to do the same. As family is allegedly very important to him, this may actually have an impact. Still, wishing I could do more.
Submitted December 25, 2018 at 09:44PM by siblingrivalry10 http://bit.ly/2LBdIqm
