I'm sitting in my living room in a daze. I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm trapped.
I have always been responsible. My mother is an emotionally abusive narcissist, but lucky, one of the things she did for me was instill a sense of finances. I had a 740 credit score and only about $4000 of credit card debt (with limits in the range of $50,000 total) when I financed my car two years ago. I had some debt on and off, but I always managed it responsibly. I managed to move myself across the country in 2015. I have (or I guess, had) a 100% payment record.
Just in the short time since then, everything has changed. I met a guy, who I thought would be a great match. He makes his money in social media (I know, not always sustainable long term), and we moved in. Things were going great...so I thought. My roommate situation was changing anyway, so moving in seemed right at the time.
I was working as a server back then, and would notice $20 here or there from my tips would go missing. I wasn't that great about meticulously taking note of how much I had since I always had extra and could always make extra, so I thought that I was just misplacing it.
Then I noticed credit cards missing from my wallet.
Then I noticed mysterious charges.
My boyfriend always straight up denied it...but I knew. I knew something was wrong. I noticed alcohol would also go missing much faster than I could recall anyone drinking.
He uses alcohol to feel better, detaches from reality and blacks out, and spends my (well, not really mine, but the bank's) money. He steals my cards, he lies about what they're being used for.
It's been him...this whole time. This has been going on for a solid 8 months.
He lied to me about paying rent and deliberately discouraged me from speaking with the renting office (he lived there before I moved in, so he always said he'd just go take care of it. I never questioned it because I didn't know how deep this went back then). There is SIX MONTHS of rent on my cards ($2200 a month...so. a lot.).
He got us almost evicted from both apartments we have lived in.
Our last apartment actually sent $5000 of unpaid rent/move out fees to collections.
Guess who was also on the lease?
Me.
So now that's on my credit, too.
He is suffering from PTSD and ADHD and has only recently gotten on medication within the last three months. He does have slips sometimes now, too, which is what prompted me to write this post. It had been getting better...it really was. He's on a business trip right now. He'd been paying our rent and all of the bills. I had been feeling better about everything. When he's medicated, he's a completely different person. We align on a lot of different values (I don't want to have children, I wanted a financially free life where we could travel). Seemed like a perfect match (to note though, I am 27 and he is 23...so there is a bit of an age gap when it comes to responsibility). Again, everything had been getting better. I was finally starting to look ahead to the future instead of feeling trapped in this cycle of debt.
Then I noticed a payment had been declined today on something that should absolutely not have been declined. I finally looked at my bank account for the first time in a month. Negative. My VISA for that institution was maxed out too...and not only that, $400 OVER the limit.
What did I see?
Uber charges.
ATM charges (the two that he and I go to, so not random ones).
Amazon.
Since the last week of September (the 22nd, to be exact), that card alone has increased $2500.
My total CC debt is now up to somewhere $50,000 (too afraid to do the real math). ALL BECAUSE OF HIM. I'm astounded. I'm overwhelmed. Again, I only make like $30,000 a year. This is literally impossible for me to pay off by myself.
I have a $22,000 car loan and about $105,000 student debt (on IBR because I will never have a high paying job, so that payment is less than $150), as well.
I only make about $2500 a month. He makes about $4000-8000 when he decides to actually work and not drink his life away into detachment. I am a music teacher. Not a lot of high income potential there. I always knew I wouldn't make a lot of money, but I didn't care. My plan was to responsibly manage my debt, live within my means, and maintain a high credit score with plenty of room on my cards for emergencies, and I was doing it. I was fine. I had money to splurge once in a while, always responsibly paid my debts, and always have a backup career plan (I have tons of customer service management experience, too).
I don't even know what my score is now. I'm too afraid to look.
All my hard work...gone. All that time being responsible...wasted. I feel trapped because I just can't just make a bunch of money, as I stated. My payment minimums have far exceeded my income. I keep giving him second and third and fourth chances because his income potential is so much higher than mine and he promises me that he's going to fix it...but he keeps putting us (OR MAYBE JUST ME) further into the hole every time he gets sad and decides to have a beer.
I can't just move out...how would I afford an apartment?
What do I do?
Where do I go?
I'm just another trapped woman. Again. How could I be so stupid?
Sorry if this is jumbled...I just don't know where to turn. Please don't emphasize how irresponsible I've been. I tried. I was lied to for 8 months, I know I don't make a lot of money. Where can I even go from here?
Submitted October 21, 2018 at 02:15PM by singingsox https://ift.tt/2PKt9Oh
