I legitimately don't get this sub, and yet I'm a part of it and it's a part of me.
Half this sub seems friggin miserable. Nothing is ever good enough, any amount of money spent is too much. Idk about you all but I've never felt more like a slave to money than since I've come here and started worrying about every penny. Every purchase decision comes down to literally one question: "what's cheaper". All other qualities be damned. "___ is for rich people" has become my matra, whether ___ is a more-than-barebones used car, a hobby, or a date night that's not free. And if in a fit of madness I do something truly insane like buy a soda from a vending machine, it literally ruins my day. Because to me it means I "lost" and don't have control over my life. It's like I have an eating disorder with money. And I spend half my time going back and forth between encouraging the same behavior in others because I'm a broken and twisted human, and desperately trying to defend those who haven't yet lost their fucking mind from those of us who have.
Every accomplishment post has a half dozen comments at the bottom shitting on it. "I just fixed my truck, yay frugal!" gets "If you're frugal you should sell the truck". "I just got cheap meat, yay frugal!" gets "Why don't you just not eat meat?" "I got a cheap coffee maker, yay frugal!" gets "Why not just drink water?"
No matter what any of us do we aren't good enough for each other, and I suspect that we aren't good enough for ourselves either, and feel a constant need to prove how frugal we are in comparison to others. Half of us seem to hate anyone who isn't frugal, or at least think of them the same way a college freshman atheist thinks of Christians and gym rats think of the obese. Or maybe I'm projecting.
I don't even want to be here but if I don't read this sub I'm terrified, for no good reason, I'll fuck up my life terribly and never succeed. That I'll miss some secret to saving money that I know isn't out there. It's like an anxious compulsion, and I know it's not rational, but it preoccupies every thought. All day long. I can't escape it. I've gone from being depressed to being a miserly, bitter, penny pinching asshole and I hate it and me with a passion. I'm angry all the time. Angry at my wallet and the world, and angry at myself for using frugality as a means of self torture.
What's insane is I'm not even that frugal. I've only been doing this for 9 months or so, so I'm pretty beginner. Sometimes I buy clothes from the expensive thrift stores or eBay instead of buying whatever I can find for $2.99 at goodwill. I still eat meat and fresh veggies (even if it's the same repetitive meals). Every once in a while I break down and get a few cheap malt liquors from the gas station cus I'm a piece of shit. But even still I feel like I'm headed down an ugly path of some weird reverse self-destruction.
So why the fuck are we here... and why can't we leave?
August 10, 2018 at 10:01AM
