I've never been decently rich until recently. Some job upgrades and an unexpected surge in crypto (combined with a well timed sell) have provided me with a decent fortune enough to stop being worried about the future.
Before this sudden change in my finances I had been poor. Not starving poor, but the price tags used to be my main concern while in a shop. I wasn't being able to afford a holiday trip, always looking for discounts and mostly always worrying about my future. I used to be depressed because of this, and unwilling to put my whole life on mortgage in some 9 to 5 lifelong job just to feel secure. A classic Catch-22.
Then came my financial relief.
Suddenly, I stopped doing the most important things in my life: writing, meditating, daydreaming, enjoying the simple things like a gust of cool wind, a sunray, people around me... My thoughts turned to counting wealth, evaluating potential buys, browsing through voyage options, enjoying e-shop lists ordered by the highest price etc. But I didn't feel that happiness which I had been envisioning during my poor years under the slogan "If I had a lot of money, then _____ ".
And I realized that one problem's departure had made place for a bigger one. Now I worry about the stock markets, the exchange rates, or simply about the size of the boat I wish. It's not better than before, in fact it's worse. The magnitude of my problems has grown.
As a bonus blow, people around me started to behave flatteringly (which I have never tolerated). I have heard "I love you" this year more times than I'd heard it since 2000.
When I try to write, my thoughts are not connected with the passion of creating something beautiful. When I try to meditate, my mind is defiled with lust and avarice. While in the past I had one simple problem - my tomorrow bread - now I have 100 bigger problems which fill my mind and my time.
So I decided to get back to my frugal life. I want to donate part of my (not huge, but consistent) fortune to some charity and keep only a few hundred bucks per month for my daily living. I want my life back, and mostly all those little joys which used to make me incredibly happy, despite my poverty.
I know, the adage "money doesn't bring happiness" sounds ridiculous to most of us, but somehow this is the truth. I've learned this first hand. The grapes are nor sour, neither sweet, they are the same fucking grapes we all know. It's just when you have all the grapes in the world, they get tasteless.
August 27, 2018 at 09:54AM
