I am struggling with a huge sense of guilt and fear over the person I am and the ways in which I spend my time. I think a lot of this is due to being an introvert and being surrounded by extroverted people/institutions. I feel a deep inadequacy when I look at the world around me. I feel guilty and fearful of wasting my life sitting at home at my computer, but I also don't particularly enjoy when I go out and do other things, and even more so I'm not sure what "other things" I should be spending more of my time doing. All I really enjoy doing is playing video games, watching tv, reading, drinking coffee, and hanging out at coffee shops/restaurants. I don't particularly enjoy physical activity and I'm pretty shy. I keep comparing myself and my life to the following:
- The "monk:" The kind of person who spends their time in isolation, usually outdoors, focusing on meditation and spiritual growth. I feel guilty for not living a life like this because I feel it would be more meaningful than my western lifestyle.
- The "western suburban mom:" The kind of person who really lives for western achievements like graduating college, getting married, buying a house, having children, retiring, etc. I have never really felt successful in achieving these cultural milestones, but I also feel unsuccessful when I don't follow this path.
- The "outdoorsy hippie:" The kind of person who spends all of their time adventuring, traveling, and being outdoors. Sort of the modern hippie.
- The "artist:" The kind of person who spends most of their time creating, whether that is writing or doing music or painting.
I continue to compare myself to these stereotypes and am really struggling with the fact that I fall more along the following- the "hermit:" The kind of person who spends most of their time indoors at their computer, except for when they go to work. It makes me feel like I'm missing out on a more meaningful, important life in some way. Every time I try to change my lifestyle though I fall back into the same patterns and habits. I can't tell if my current life is just a habit or if it's actually what I prefer. Am I feeling unnecessary pressure to change and to cultivate a better life? Or am I actually longing for a different kind of life? I really have no idea.Thanks for letting me rant here. I hope this resonates with someone, as I'd really like some external input. I've been spending too much of my time beating myself up over these things and it's gotten rather neurotic.
**tl;dr** Feel guilt over my personality and the way I spend time, but can't tell if I actually need to change or just feel like I should change.
Submitted June 11, 2018 at 05:30PM by coffee_talks https://ift.tt/2MkpGF0
