I just wanted to vent, so I'm probably deleting this post by the end of the day. It's kinda long.
For context, my husband (23M) and I (20F) are by no means well off - combined tho, we probably make more than the average couple with no degrees/certifications where I live. We have decent jobs with a company that has great benefits, and after taxes and deductions for medical, dental, and vision, we take home 30K/year. We live below our means, and after all mandatory expenditures for the month that leaves about $1000/month we can save or spend. We also have good credit.
FOR MORE CONTEXT, my husband and I lived with my FIL and his crazy girlfriend for a while. We intended on moving out a year ago, but my husband was diagnosed with cancer, so our plans came to a crashing halt. It was only a month ago that we finally felt secure enough to get out on our own into our own place, and while it's certainly less stressful, I'm now starting to realize that my money is affecting my relationships in a negative way.
I work REALLY HARD. My job is a warehouse job and I work really fast and really well. I have name recognition amongst all of my bosses and their bosses for my hard work. It comes at a price - I come home with bruises and cuts quite often. I'm also a fulltime college student at 15 credits/semester, and am probably ramping up to 18 credits/semester so I can finish my degree (business) in a year. I'm running through the summer semester too, and all of that is paid for because of my work ethic in high school. MY MONEY THAT I EARNED WITH LITERAL BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS MATTERS A LOT TO ME.
And then there's the extra effort I put into meal-planning, stocking up on items that are discounted, etc. I stockpile toiletries, and without outside intervention, have enough to last a year without needing to buy anything else. I try not to be stingy, but I get angry when my SIL (19F) drops by and steals 5 rolls of toilet paper because I just "have so much" or that same SIL comes over and eats all of the snackfood in the house.
I lent the same SIL $600 to be kind to her when she fell on hard times a few months ago, and immediately our relationship changed (we were really close before). She started dodging me all the time and gets angry any of the 5 times I've mentioned the money since then. No, she hasn't paid me back.
I also have a friend (19F) crashing at my place who I brought in when her parents kicked her out. She starts her job next week but otherwise has been freeloading for a month with a shitty attitude. She always passively complains that i don't buy much snackfood and that she doesn't "want to eat healthy all the time." SIL and my other friend are also friends with each other, and hang out at my place while my husband and I are working. I don't mind, but they leave aalllllll the lights on, and my SIL uses up so much water showering (30-45min showers). Other friend also insists that I have enough money to buy her frivilous things without worrying, and SIL tells other people I'm cheap because I make her pay me back when I buy her food if we go out. A month ago SIL made me really angry because we'd made plans for all three of us to go out to eat, and the half-hour before the plans my other friend asks me to cover my SIL's lunch "to pay for gas...." for a five minute drive. When I gave her gas money the night before. I was already covering my other friend's meal. I ended up footing a $40 bill for what was supposed to be ~$10 (well, $15 if you count the tip). I don't even buy drinks, but both of them did :(
But it's no big deal because "I can afford it."
When I lived with my FIL his girlfriend and her daughter both had sticky fingers and stole a lot from me. Pillows, a phone, a wallet, shampoos, conditioners, combs, a camera, soap, toothpaste, actual money, pain pills, etc. Both of them borrowed around $400 total from my husband and I, too. There was a big dispute over groceries where $200/month from my husband and I apparently wasn't enough to pay our way, and she only ever bought stuff they ate. We bought a mini-fridge and split the food and she had a fit over it many times. Even after my husband went through cancer, she called us freeloaders and because of the groceries thing would cause huge arguments over frivilous items (the reason we moved out was over OJ).
BUT I HAVE ENOUGH SO I HAVE TO GIVE.
Tbh I'd be more generous if everyone had a better attitude about it.
Other things - my dad owes me $120 and has no intention of paying me back, and my brother is overly gracious to the point I'm uncomfortable because I sent him a $150 care-package for his newborn son.
Idk, the list of complaints goes on and to a point I'm not sure when I have legitimate complaints or I'm just being stingy. Sometimes I'm really sure I am cheap, but never in a way I have to impose that on other people. I was poor growing up, and spent a good bit of time homeless and on my own. I lost everything I owned and drug addicts made me feel unsafe and stole everything I had of value :( I slept on the floor for half a year, and the first time I got to sleep in a bed I cried. It's taken a long time to rebuild my material life, and I'm sure there's some component of anxiety involved in the way I live my life. All of the people mentioned KNOW that I went through and don't seem to understand regardless.
Opinions anybody? Other than stop lending so much money. That lesson has been learned
April 07, 2018 at 05:50PM
