I started working for a small team in the financial services industry.
My boss constantly screams at me (as well as everyone else). She tells me that I am insecure and that I let everyone down. She has increased my work ten-fold, and made me salaried at the same salary because I've yet to 'prove myself.'
I've been there three months. I came on with NO training. I had to ask questions, and still do. I've heard the staff talk shit about me 20 feet away where they know I can hear them. Simple mistakes (today I hear 28000 instead of 20000) are met with the whole team looking at each other and rolling their eyes.
I think it has to be me, because everyone does it. I know they all talk bad about me. I get blamed for things other people have done wrong. Even if it's in front of them, they don't take ownership and even agree with the one yelling at me. I genuinely don't get it. There's that saying that "if you blame it on everyone else, maybe it's you" and I'm starting to believe that. I don't know why they dislike me so much. I am discouraged from asking questions and then yelled at for doing things wrong.
But then I doubt myself. My boss is moving and let me take a bunch of her stuff. I think secretly she likes me but just wants to push me. Sometimes she is kind to me... but that might last three hours before she screams at me again. She screams in front of the whole office and I can see the smirks on their faces.
But an example of her (strange) kindness is when I came to work sick. I made a very simple mistake and she screamed at me for 30 minutes, said I was worthless for coming I. Sick. Then forced me to go to the doctor and had someone else drive me. But it didn't even seem kind, I left the office bawling even though the act in itself was nice.
I want a simple life. I don't strive for progress or for success. I want to do my job, and do it well, and then go home and have my life. I don't want to have my self esteem driven down to nothing, wake up in the middle of the night in terror, or have to take breaks to cry in the parking lot.
Yet I feel so much guilt for leaving. The team absolutely depends on me (which is strange because they act like I'm an idiot). I don't know what they would do if I left. I don't understand this feeling, it's preventing me from looking for other jobs or moving on. Again, I feel like she secretly likes me and has faith in me, just pushes me hard. And even though I don't want this life, I feel extremely guilty for wanting to leave.
Submitted January 10, 2018 at 03:53PM by uhohuhohuhohuhohuh http://ift.tt/2mogowo
