I'm sorry if this is a long post, I'm stuck between wanting help and not knowing what to do. I've tried numerous times and failed. I'm half just wanting to talk, I have no one to tell.
My parents filed bankruptcy when I was 10, debtors and collectors can't talk to minors. I learned that young when I was the one to answer the door when they arrived.
I studied hard, received certifications, good grades, aimed for scholarships. Despite my parents bankruptcy they earned too much with an at home mother and a father who pushed himself into debt to fund his company. I sent in hundreds of scholarship applications.
None worked, I didn't win a single one. I still attended school, took out all the grants and free money I could before the loans, and during that time I met a girl and was happy and then married. We hit hard times and she was to graduate first. So I dropped out, worked hard and eventually she left me by way of phone call at 2 am after my work shift ended months after her graduation.
2 years that divorce went on, I was stuck living on my own. My eldest brother and sister moved back in with my parents and are still there today and they didn't have space.
I continued to work hard, trying to take up random jobs. I've been a snowplow man, a merchandise resetter, food demos, all of these outside of my primary jobs working in IT. I only had certifications and no degree, so I was never paid well.
I owned an Isuzu Rodeo, all paid up, turns out salt isn't good for the frame and it rusted through and I had to get a new car. I worked at the car dealership then and before my credit tanked from the divorce I bought myself a car, it wasn't fancy and the payments were a little longer than I wanted but I needed to drive.
After a long spiral downwards I met a new girl after being single for 2 years, that same year I also got a new job. I worked hard, programmed tools, documentation, I wanted to make something of myself. At the same time another company offered me a position for more pay. I was up honest, up front and told my current job and they counter-offered a promotion. Something with comparable pay and upward mobility.
They started putting in the paperwork immediately, but hit a company wide hiring freeze, I believed them. A new manager took over and dropped the position. I asked the other company and they had filled their position.
I still believed maybe I could get a promotion, I was there anyways and I was making $15/hr the best I could get. I also had someone who supported me through the divorce, told me I could be something better.
For 5 years I tried, I sent out applications, I rewrote my resume, I went to career centers and even the unemployment resume help center. I kept afloat but I could barely pay minimums and at times couldn't.
The day after Christmas I found out the woman I loved and trusted, was cheating on me. She dumped me by phone, you can imagine my spiral, the same way my marriage ended. I didn't fight it, I broke. I think I've been broken ever since.
Now I'm moving onto a new job, it's pay is just a little bit better, but the student loans I had to defer this last year and I can't do that anymore. My car is almost paid off but it's still months away, I used my credit card like an idiot, not much only $500 and I live with a roommate, I eat ramen most days, I watch my weight and my health, I haven't been to the dentist or doctor for a checkup or any visit in 10 years.
I donate blood to figure out my blood pressure and make sure I'm not spiking. I don't do drugs, I don't take any prescription pills and i'm basically betting everything off genetics and good luck right now. 18 eggs are 64 cents, a pack of 12 ramen is $2.55, a pack of carrots is about $1 and think sliced pork is about $4. All together I can make a ramen bowl meal for under a $1 a day. A little soy sauce for variety and some garlic power to top it off.
I didn't use the AC at all this last summer, it cut the power bill down to $100 a month, I screwed up. I had a little pet ferret, I know an expense but she made me happy, I built her cage out of spare wood and worked hard to buy her food at $20 a month, and get her spare toys. I was an idiot, ferrets can't survive over 85 degrees, she died of a heat stroke.
I've never been a people person but even then I had friends, friends who I put everything towards and just discovered I wasn't getting anything back. To be honest I have one friend left, my roommate, he won't say a word but I know he knows and he helps the best he can.
I don't mean for this to be a sob story, and I don't even know if anyone will read it. I'm actually 27, my birthday is coming up in in a few months. I'm $50,000 in debt, I've spent all day working on my budget and putting effort into my job (I now work with kids in education)
I'm just tired, I'm not looking to kill myself so don't worry, I love life as best I can and I believe in the good of people but to be honest I've spent so long helping my parents, my wife, my friends, I gave away every last piece of myself.
This is definitely the wrong subreddit, it started with depression staring at this budget, and all this years of budget, wanting to ask for help. knowing it'll work but I'm still years away from seeing any light, to be away from paycheck to paycheck not being possible. I want to be able to eat fast food, restaurants, playing video games on consoles and computers I own and not my roommates.
I'm in Information Technology, my last computer is from 2009, my college gift. It broke 3 weeks ago, the battery was shot and the power jack module needs to be purchased so I can solder a new one in for the cheapest replacement.
Christ.
Alright, I don't know where I can cut corners anymore, I don't know where I can earn more money. I can't keep working 2 jobs, waking up at 5:30am, work at 6am, off that job at 2:30 and at my other job by 3:30 till midnight.
Thanks Reddit, this is the wrong place, it started off as finance help and ended with me ranting. I don't know who will read it, I don't know if it will be removed automatically by the automoderator, I don't even know what the purpose is.
Thanks for listening,
I'm gonna be honest, I won't return for to read this for a while, I'm going to do something small to make me happy. I'm off to play rocket league, on a ps4 I don't own, on an account that's not mine, for internet I can't even pay my equal share, on a controller my friend bought me.
I spent $20 for a small amount of hookah and small coals, it won't last long but for tonight it'll make me happy.
I love life, I'm blessed by what I do have, if someone wants to tell me something to apply for, to look for, to do. Any information would be helpful. I've tried to apply for food stamps and welfare and I don't qualify. To be honest I probably screwed up and did this to myself.
But thank you random internet person for listening, it helped to type things out, even if anonymously. I wish you the best, because I have to believe in it.
Submitted January 09, 2018 at 10:16PM by SomeNameLost http://ift.tt/2CN3HkN
