Hello Reddit.
Here is my tale of woe, boiled down to the most clinical facts I can muster. I am completely confused as to which way to go, but I am finally able to devote some serious energy to this issue, and I want to do it right.
In late 2011, I discovered my husband had a drug problem. We had a newborn and a 5 year old with special needs (nonverbal, aspergers, homeschooled). I had a previous, happy semi-professional career (pharmacy tech, paralegal, bank teller), and had given up my work to become a FT stay at home mom in 2010.
For 6 months after his drug issue sucked all the money out of our bank account and savings, the kids and I lived on credit cards while I tried to be supportive, but it clearly didn't work out. The kids and I moved from CA to MT (home) in April 2013, in with my parents, and I met us 3's needs with credit cards & a couple of side-hustles. I stopped using credit cards & making payments in fall 2013. No job.
I tried to go back to school in 2014, but my ex stalked me on campus and campus police did not care. (A whole 'nother issue which is horrifying. Yes, restraining order, no, they didn't care to enforce it when violated until too late.) The month before finals, my grades plummeted from A's to F's because I couldn't get to or from class without panic attacks. Due to paperwork issues, my student loans for the semester were converted to personal loans.
Fast Forward to Feb 2017. Divorce finally reaches settlement. These are the terms:
My ex hasn't paid taxes since I last filed for us in tax year 2011.
I get "hold harmless" paperwork for his tax issues.
His issues have only gotten worse. No jobs for long or paying much.
I forgive over 40k in court-ordered child support.
I have full custody. Both kids are entering school Fall 2017, so I can finally get some kind of a job. (Despite fighting for years for 50/50 custody, his final request is 1 day of the right to visit with them at my parent's house. He shows up for about 1/2 of the day he is allotted each week.)
I take all credit card debt accrued during the marriage, as well as all medical and other bills for the kids and myself.
He takes one $550 hospital bill for the birth of the youngest.
Child support is lowered to 1/3 it's previous monthly amount, which makes no difference because he doesn't have wages to be garnished anyway.
(For anyone wondering, yes, his mom got him a great lawyer after I exhausted my 401k's paying for mine in a 4 year legal battle. The agreements I made were for the safety of my kids, and the preservation of my mental health - his lawyer's aggressive and constantly belligerent tactics wore on my mental health more than anything else I have ever experienced, and my children were getting torn to shreds. I like to think of it as buying sanity.)
My Income:
2011-2016 $0
2017 15k
So here I am. No payments have been made on credit cards since Fall of 2013.
Credit Cards are:
American Express - about 7.5k
BOA Visa - 5k
Macy's Visa - 350
Amazon Store Card -550
Other Bills (everything else has been negotiated and paid down - these refuse to work with me or budge on payment plans or amounts):
My attorney - 3500, in collections 2016
Medical bills - total around 750, in collections 2014-2016
Student Loans: 15k
Student Loans converted to Personal loan: 7.5 k (currently working with university to have this resolved, positive outcome likely)
2 of the credit card companies have secured judgements. (BOA & Amazon) Yes, I corresponded and called showed up. No, that changed nothing. I took the debt in the divorce, there wasn't really anything to discuss or disprove.
I lost my part time job early November. I have filed a human rights complaint with the state, as I was fired for making a sexual harassment complaint that was actually validated. (Private business can do anything they want, apparently.) I just got another job this week, comparable pay, which fits my schedule with my kids better and allows me more opportunity for growth, education and development.
Something, somewhere screwed up my Medicaid and food stamps, so I am having to start that process all over again, as they have been cancelled for myself and my kids. Frustrating, but it can be dealt with.
My bank account has a lien against it for a big number.
My car is running fine, but is worth less than 2000.
I drained my 401k paying for my lawyers. I have sold all assets of mine worth $50 or more on CL, with the exception of my computer and cell phone.
I would not have made it if not for my folks. We have a pretty good coparenting situation going on with division of labor and everyone doing what they can. Kids are happy and home is stable. Top priorities met.
I am not worried about where our next meal is coming from. My kids have winter coats and mittens. I am a master thrifter and nobody is lacking for anything in our home.
Now that the dust has settled on the divorce, I am ready to reenter the land of adults and work and life. The first step in this journey is figuring out what to do with this financial situation. I don't know if I should be scared, or determined, or patient, or aggressive or what. Any direction, suggested resources, stories like mine (I have looked but have not figured out GoogleFu for this topic yet)... Just... anything guys. Where would you start?
I cannot add another job. My oldest son requires a LOT of attention, and while he is not receiving government aid, his success is due to constant, daily work and I will not let him down at this point. He is ALMOST mainstreaming in his classroom due to efforts all around.
EDIT FOR FORGOTTEN DETAIL: Here is the crazy detail that has me cautious - I started an app in my free time a few months go, and while it is not monetized yet, it promises to be a solid revenue stream in a year or two. It turned into a business with a really nice valuation, but the company is pre-revenue and will stay that way for several months. The business is an S-Corp, and I own 60%, having raised capital and taken on an industry-expert partner. It won product of the year at the industry's 2nd largest trade show and... yeah... I can't screw up this business - it could very well be my future. (Yes, we all thing our app is our brilliant brain child out to save the world, I want to get mine profitable before I consider it some sort of savior.)
I will do my absolute best to answer and respond to any and all questions throughout the day or however long this runs on. I am deeply appreciative to anyone who made it this far through my wall of text. All the love and hugs one internet stranger can share with another, truly.
Submitted December 18, 2017 at 03:56AM by cashstrappedcowgirl http://ift.tt/2BsxoHW
