Hey Guys.
Welcome to my post, where I would like to share my absurd personal situation with you, of which I still can´t believe of being the main person in it.
I am 29 years old. Born in Germany into a turkish workers family. We have never had much money, but we always figured it out to live a comfy life. Well, my parents did.
The most important thing my sister and me were thought by our parents was: No one will feed you in future! You have to work hard to achieve things. Nothing will be for free in this life.
I adapted this way of thinking. But I just wasn´t a good student. Grades didn´t really matter to me, it was just a random figure. However, I could make the most important step into the working world, my apprenticeship, in Germany called "Ausbildung". Without this, you won´t be able to get ANY Job in Germany. I was really succesfull and motivated, and I had good results, even in the "Berufsschule", a school where you go 2 times a week to learn the theoretical aspect of your profession. My Boss even asked me after finishing the apprenticeship to go abroad to Austria and Manage the Branch there. Hell yeah! I felt so bossy! 19 years old. Successfull, rent paid by the company, a shitty car, also paid by the company, cell phone, also paid by the company, young and adult with no responsibilities. Sounds great right? Yeah... I thought so too.
It turned out the Job in Vienna was just cleaning the shit the other ones did before me and it was the plan of the management to clean up the shit a bit, before giving the branch the mercy shock and disappear from the country.... but I stayed in Vienna. I earned average money, but I could not manage it. In this time, as I had no responsibilities to care about I just spent my money everywhere.
The branch closed and I was looking for a new Job, bad company, bad money, but I wanted to stay in town, so I took the Job. After 6 Months I was asked to go to work with a friend, I accepted and they fired me 3 Months later.
Jobless again, no money in my pocket. I was fed up with that shit and decided to study. During the time of my studies (4years), I never had much money, but I studied in the evening courses and went working full time. It was just enough. I was in debt, a lot of it. The bank wanted Money, I could not pay the rent and other things. It was the beginning of my financial Chaos. I just did not pay bills because I did not know how, so I ignored them. Ignoring bills: Good Idea man! So dept grew and grew and grew and grew. I also had a boyfriend who was not very much into disciplin and paying things (bartender, alcoholic, sorry but true!) Finally I finished my studies and worked as a Consultant, and I really worked my ass off. I earned not really much, but it was quite ok to live with it.... still, there were the unpaid bills I ignored, because I didn´t have money. So they started to impound me. One after the other. Almost a half of my salary was impounded. I was so disappointed of myself, how was that even possible? Why didn´t I pay, why did I let it go so far. And how should I survive AGAIN? I worked harder and harder, I paid about 10k back, I was almost free. Suddenly, my boss fired me once he noticed that letters of the impound reached him. I was jobless, again. The debt I was in reached an amount of about EUR 20k.
Meanwhile, I found a new boyfriend. We are still together, and I really love him.
I worked again and paid a lot of it, I found a new Job, it was a mistake to take it but the money was good. They fired me at this job again, even though I was succesfull.
I was so fed up of the jobs. I felt like my personality does not fit into an office. I started to make my dream come true. I wanted to become a psychotherapist. My boyfriend encouraged me to start it too. He believes in me. So I started it and paid a shitload of money for it already. EUR 5000 even though I was unemployed.
I just trusted my boyfriend too much. It seems like I tend to rely on others when I am in a relationship and stop caring about my personal situation.
Things started all over again. Debt in the bank grew and grew, other letters from debts I didn´t now came in (cell phone bill of my ex) and so on. My boyfriend helped me out with money, even his uncle did, with a lot of money. I promised to pay it back.
I started a new Job at an Airline, because I thought it´d be great to have benefits to buy tickets for holidays a lot cheaper. They fired me, even though I was great in my Job, but "your direct personality does not fit in here". That was not the first time I hear this. I applied for another department, they refused me. Your personality does not fit in here, they said, again. I am too less pragmatic in their point of view.
Yesterday, my boyfriend came home after work. He told me, that he can ´t do this anymore. He thinks, it´d be better to leave me. I dont need to give him or his uncle the money back, but under this circumstances, it might be better to break up.
My whole world crashed. I am so deeply broken. Even though I heard all my life "you are a very intelligent person" "you are the strongest person I have ever met" and things like that, I feel like, I have no right to be in this world with my personality. It just doesn´t fit into a working place obviously. My boyfriend told me yesterday, that I have a very direct way to speak and that frightens the people. My sister told me, I am too confident in my way of acting so the others don´t like me. I just don´t know how to manage all the things. I have no disciplin when it comes to money. I have (obviously) no disciplin to make a job. It seems like, I have a very high grade of education, but a very very low grade of selfawareness and self responsibility.
I am clueless and I dont really know what to do.
Submitted November 16, 2017 at 10:15AM by timister_ http://ift.tt/2jvdBCZ
