I'm kind of at my wit's end right now. I've been with my partner for a little over 3 years, living with them for 1. During this time, I have always been the breadwinner. Even when we weren't living together, I helped them with expenses because they were in an extremely difficult living situation and suffered from severe depression and anxiety. I could afford this at the time. I was in school full time and getting help from family and also working between 35 and 55 hours a week. I wasn't getting paid much, but I managed. I lived pretty frugally and, aside from student loans, never had debt. I signed up for a couple credit cards and only bought things I could have bought with cash to build my credit score. I've been paying down my student loans since sophomore year, trying to make sure I at least kept the interest in check. I've invested a little money very carefully and have been watching it grow. I'm naturally a pretty frugal person. Debt gives me massive anxiety. Not having money in savings make me want to throw up because I'm so scared. I'm not even sure why--my family is very tight-knit and fairly well off and if I was ever really in a jam, they could help. But I hate being a burden to them.
Three months ago, I got my first post-college job. The pay is okay and theoretically can cover all our expenses. But we're struggling. My partner keeps making financial mistakes that are partially the result of growing up very poor and partially the result of depression. They keep forgetting about different annual subscriptions they have and ending up with a negative bank balance, then fees on top of that. They use medical marijuana to supplement their medication, which in the past has helped them be more functional, but now is a large monthly expense I can't really justify, in the hundreds of dollars. I asked them to cut back, and they are trying, and it is making a bit of a difference, but it's nowhere close to what I'd like it to be. They rely on credit cards and rack up debt for months and just pay the minimum without telling me, because they "want to contribute," but the debt hurts us more in the long run.
They're a student but their financial aid hasn't come yet, halfway into the semester, because of a variety of bureaucratic snafus. I had been relying on that cash showing up months ago and now am not sure when it's coming. They work, but as a freelancer, so the money tends to be sporadic. Because of this, they have taken on the role of keeping our house together, including preparing meals, but there are times when that doesn't get done and we end up having to throw out meat that has gone bad because it wasn't cooked in time. I can meal plan all I want, but it's hard to trust that I won't end up having to cook meals myself after getting home from work and a long commute. We've talked about it and tried to come up with ways for us to improve this. I've been trying to meal prep more and freeze stuff so it's done and off my mind, and usually they are willing to help with that.
I'm trying to learn a variety of skills to help keep us afloat and budget more severely, but right now I only have about $500 to my name (when I had $2k or more in savings all throughout college) and a week before my monthly paycheck comes. We're not going to starve to death or anything, but it's extremely stressful to have to try and figure this all out while feeling like I don't really have help. As someone who also suffers from more mild anxiety and depression than my partner, it can be hard to stay emotionally afloat. I know this is what I signed up for when I decided to live with a depressed partner, but I feel like we're sinking and I don't have the energy to keep us treading water.
tl;dr: Struggling to stay frugal while supporting a mentally ill partner I love very much.
Has anyone else been in this kind of situation? Any advice is welcome.
October 13, 2017 at 01:03PM
