Let me tell you about Prana Stretch Zion Pants I almost don't want to because they basically make me a superhero, but I'm feeling generous today. As a matter of fact, these are what god intended pants to be. They are the greatest travel pants ever, and if you don't own a pair you've never known true happiness. Let me break it down for you.
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COMFORT AND FLEXIBILITY - These are like Yoga Pants, but for men AND women. You're gonna feel like Ned Flanders in these babies. You're gonna be taking stairs 4 steps at a time just because you can. You're gonna join a soccer game, and people will be like "You can't play soccer with PANTS on!" And then you'll score 8 goals and continue on to your business meeting.
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GOOD LOOKS - You can wear these to your family reunion, an embassy gala, maybe even your wedding. You're gonna look like Ned Flanders in these babies.
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BIFL CONSTRUCTION - I know this is what all of you came here for. Let me tell you though, these pants are built like an airplane, lightweight and strong. It has an extra piece of fabric in the crotch for comfort and strength. Unlike Reddit's database there's no single point of failure. It won't rip. I crashed a motorcycle wearing these babies and slid across the pavement, with no more damage than a partially torn pocket. I wore them to a Michelin Star restaurant the next day, didn't even need to wash em. Have you ever had pants like that? I don't think so.
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WATER RESISTANCE - That's putting it lightly. These babies can HOLD WATER. That's right, make them into a cup shape and you can drink from it. Put it over your head to shelter you from the rain. But they're still breathable! And this isn't the kind of water resistance that comes from a stupid coating that washes off, this feature is here to STAY.
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STAIN RESISTANCE - So you can eat a jumbo hot dog at the baseball stadium after you load it up with ketchup. Just rinse away that goo and you're good to go on to your meeting with the crown prince.
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WRINKLE RESISTANCE - That's right. Cram them in your bag, put them on later to go to your meeting with the Heir of the Darn Tough Socks empire. Wrinkles are a thing of the past.
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QUICK DRYING - Sure, they're water resistant, but sometimes you need to wade through a bog to ambush your target before your meeting with the President of Florida. And nobody will suspect a thing, these babies are gonna dry so fast everyone's gonna say "He couldn't have killed the endangered alligator, look at his pants, they're perfectly dry!"
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A FUCKIN BUCKLE THING - Never worry about not having a belt again! These pants have a hidden sinching buckle thing to make them just as tight as you want. So you can wear them through airport security and not worry about those damn swedes stealing your belt as it comes off the conveyor. But they still have belt loops, if you want to be fancy.
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TINY SNAP THINGS - Little snaps on the legs let you roll up your pant legs and ACTUALLY HAVE THEM STAY ROLLED UP! Even Einstein didn't think of this feature. These pants are straight from the 23rd century, and not the Logan's Run 23rd century where their clothes get torn by some tiny branches, but the Star Trek kind where the Vulcans design pants for Spock-like practicality and Kirk-like fashion.
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TINY BREATHING HOLES - Never get sweaty down there again! These things have tiny crotch holes for letting some air in. But they're totally hidden too. Why don't all pants have these? What's wrong with other pants?
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JESUS MORE FEATURES? That's right. These babies have a flappy pocket thing so your wallet doesn't fall out on the rollercoaster. It's got a zippered side pocket too, so you can keep your passport secure while you climb mount Fuji.
But why are you still reading? If you haven't gone out to buy these pants by now they're probably sold out.
Submitted September 04, 2017 at 05:36PM by tornato7 http://ift.tt/2wziVJr
