My boyfriend(24M) and I (24F) have been together for a year and a half, and as I consider the likelihood of marriage and starting a family with him with me being a stay-at-home mom (we have discussed this on multiple occasions and are both looking forward to it), I can't help but feel anxious about our greatest incompatibility which is how we handle finances. My dad lost his job when I was 8 and started his own small, not very successful business, and my mom was raised poor, so I've been raised very frugally, I've always been the biggest saver, and I started working when I was 12 and was working almost full time while at university/college. Since then I have been saving a bunch, almost have my loans all the way paid off and I'm "building a nest" saving up for my future family (so that I can stay home to raise my children) and for any future unforeseen expenses. My boyfriend's dad was super successful, he just had his first job at age 23 for about 4 months that was a few hours a day, but just quit to go back to finish his degree, which is great... but he's taking 1 class this summer and doesn't plan on getting a job. Every dollar he made from his part time job he spent on clothes, sushi, and beer right away. I just made the huge mistake of lending him $500 for his security deposit at the place he just moved into in his college town. I didn't think about it at the time in this way, but that could have been a lesson to him that he needs to save and be prepared. He has a generous college fund which has covered his every need and due to an error by his family accountant he was getting an extra $6000 a semester which he spent on ridiculously expensive bongs, watches, going out to eat every night and beer. After school he has no plans for a career. I fully understand this is a result of his upbringing, he has never had any lessons to learn the virtues of earning and saving. He is extremely supportive, intelligent, active, kind, caring, and we align so beautifully in our beliefs and morals, sense of humor, and spirit, but I'm scared this could cause some serious hardship if left undiscussed. I'm afraid that in addition to the prospect financial stress and lots of arguments, my biggest dream of being a stay-at-home mom- which although old-fashioned and in this day, almost seen as financially/professionally irresponsible, it is my dream! It's really important to my heart. My boyfriend knows this and fully supports this dream. What do I do, knowing he's not on track to support the family we want to build together? What's a good way to approach this conversation?
TL;DR My boyfriend has never needed to work or save and doesn't know how or see the point. How can I effectively talk to him about changing his ways so that we can fulfill our dream of raising a family together?
July 09, 2017 at 04:20PM
