Background: My mom (72) and Dad (74) had the kind of relationship where my Dad took care of all of their finances - Mom was happy to let him do it. Dad thought he wouldn't live past 56 (yep, crazy) and so he had a goal as a 20-something to retire when he was 40 so he could enjoy a retirement. So they saved and bought rental property and did semi-retire at 40. Then they went RV'ing for the next 15 years or so and left the properties to be managed by a property management company.
Unfortunately, Dad died in March and now Mom isn't facing reality. The properties have been neglected - they weren't maintaining them. They went with the lowest bidder on property management and as of today, 4 out of the 6 rentals are vacant.
Dad was very secretive about what they had so I had no idea of their assets until after he died. I took Mom to Social Security to apply for the spousal benefit, took care of transferring his pension to a spousal benefit, asked for financial statements from their property management company (they own 6 rental properties) and began figuring out her budget. Then I suggested that she put her assets into a trust so that we didn't have to go through probate when she passes - I plan on living in a different state, and brother (50) is so irresponsible that she won't give him his own insurance policy because she thinks he'll spend it then won't have any thing left to bury himself. During all of this, I kind of got put in the position of being Power of Attorney since she kind of looked to me to lead the way.
As an aside - she has never looked at her credit card statement - she had the bank automatically pay it from her checking on the due date - however, the payment was in my dad's name and when he died, the bank cancelled the auto-pay. She didn't even notice. When I had her log into her online account at my house, I was shocked there was an overdue notice for her credit card. When I asked her about it, she said she didn't know why. I had to go to the bank and find out - this is when it became clear that I needed to be POA to handle these things that she just wasn't paying attention to.
I have a pretty good grasp on personal finance and if I was in her shoes, I would be scared. So as soon as I saw what the situation was, I went into "Analysis" mode and created a spreadsheet with her current income and expenses. When I showed it to her and tried to get her to engage, she just cries and says that she "never had to be on a budget before." When both myself and a new property manager (of course with only 2 properties rented, the old one was fired) told her that there was significant "deferred maintenance" she goes into hysterics and says "if the properties are shit, then I'll just sell them." However, if she tries to sell them - in rural NM, terrible economy, after capital gains taxes - the proceeds won't be enough (by my analysis) to allow her to outlive her money if her life doesn't go EXACTLY like it is now.
When I point this out, she starts crying again and says she doesn't want to live any more and wants to be with my Dad. I point out that her own mother lived to 92, so she should count on that to be safe - she just gets angry and tells me she doesn't intend on living as long as my Grandmother. What can I say to that? You're being unrealistic? You can't possibly know how long you'll live? It's irresponsible to not take any action because it is difficult? You need to put on your big girl panties and figure it out? (Yes, I said all those things - and yes, I hurt her feelings - and yes, I feel bad now, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm right)
The way I look at it is they retired early, played around for 20+ years and made their own choices - now the hard work of making the math work is upon her and she is being lazy and unfair (yep, dad died first - tag, your it). I'm 52, have my own business to run and am within 2 years of my own retirement. I plan on moving across the country - from AZ to FL - I don't want to give up my retirement years to take care of her affairs - I want my own 20+ years of fun. Sorry, not sorry.
What I want to tell her is that I just want to be her daughter and not be responsible for trying to make sure she has enough money to live, that her credit card is paid, that she is maintaining her properties, that the properties are rented - especially if she's unwilling to do some of the heavy lifting. I'm happy to give advice, but I don't want to DO IT FOR HER anymore.
I should have said "no" earlier, but I felt like I was helping. But now that she won't step up, I'm getting frustrated.
She won't be able to afford Assisted Living, and she CANNOT live with my husband and me.
Any advice?
Submitted June 05, 2017 at 07:22PM by renijreddit http://ift.tt/2rEEvIo
