Back in fall 2015, my mental health issues got bad and my parents told me to go to the hospital twice and then months later to go again and then eventually to an outpatient facility. They told me everything would be paid for. I didn't find out till later that they didn't pay anything and that thousands in medical bills had already been in collection for a long time.
Over the last year since I learned that fact my parents financial issues have gotten worse as has my mental health. I'm currently almost 24 and have been getting better and just started a new job which I'm going to put all the money towards lifting these medical bills from collection. I've also been trying hard since a year ago when finding out about the bills to get my parents to take care of them too but they have literally been pushing it off since and giving me excuses every time.
I checked my credit score days ago and it is the worst it could possibly be at 400. I began thinking about it today and in the last 6 hours have had the worst panic attack I've ever had in my life. I realized that I can't get an apartment for years, a car, and that I won't be able to get a job if I ever finish college especially because I had likely wanted to go into something in finance. I have an uncle who is well off who was willing to loan me money to finish college, but that can't change at all the fact that if I graduate I won't be able to get a good job anywhere. I also won't find any girl no matter what I do because no one will want to be with someone who's future is fucked and who is financially screwed.
I worry about a lot of things and try to work hard at controlling things so I can then let them go knowing I'm doing my best, but this situation is so severe and and my future is so extremely destroyed that I don't think I should go on. I just threw things all over my house and outside and almost attempted to smash my car windows because of the utter dread that's so intense right now I'm terrified. I feel so utterly and completely scared and in the worst most inescapable hell that I've ever experienced. I tried snapping my phone in half an hour ago and almost picked up and smashed my computer, and almost tried to smash my favorite possession my guitar.
I can't breath and wish that there might be a god so he can give me a heart attack and end my life. I'm in so much pain and so much distress because I feel like many problems even financial problems can be overcome, but having bad credit and bad credit report history cripples my ability to get a job, apartment, and car for seven years and by then I'll be almost 31.
Please guys please help me I really need help I've never needed it so desperately
Submitted May 29, 2017 at 04:01AM by _tupac http://ift.tt/2qyekB7
