Hello all, let me preface to say thank you for the ones who take the time to read this post. I appreciate your time.
The title sums things up pretty well. I have been at the same placec eight years and have recently been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Regardless of the disorder, I absolutely loathe waking up and going to work in the morning. The disorder compounds things exponentially; I'll spare you the details. I have shifted positions a few times within the agency, but have quickly burned out in these positions as well (all fairly similar). I continue chasing that pension, that is a mere 33 years away.
In a laughable attempt to "anchor myself into staying" I bought a house last year. You can probably guess how awful things are going. No major problems, as it's a fairly recently remodeled house, in an very nice neighborhood. However, the fear of losing value and the continual upkeep eats me alive. If I were to leave or lose my job, it may be difficult to make ends meet.
I should be in a much better situation than I am; however, not going to beat myself up about it any longer. I know bi-polar is often joked about as BUYpolar. Couldn't be closer to the truth. Lots of mistakes. Terrible mistakes. But I slog forward.
My current situation is as follows:
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Age: 32
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Education: MBA, B.S - Accounting, former CFE (Certified Fraud Examiner)
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Current Salary: $92,500
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Location: Midwest
- Co-Habitat with girlfriend - She just graduated in Dec, just landed some low-paying part-time entry level video production work (not in the best area for that line of work); she contributes about $400/month.
Assets
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House: FMV: ~$245,000 (conservative estimate), purchased 1.5 years ago @ $238,000. (Demand is outpacing supply in my area)
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Car: 2016: GTI FMV: ~$20,000-$22,000
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Project Car: FMV ~$7,000-$10,000 (currently for sale, gonna be a pretty tough sale) Can't make this my daily, it gets about 12 mpg on premium.
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401K: $112,000 (~85% index funds now [long time of holding cash], 15% T-bill rate)
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Roth IRA: $40,000
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Investments/Back-up Fund: $42,800 (19k invested index funds/23k cash)
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Cash on Hand: $4,200
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Peer Lending: $1,175
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Salvageable Home Assets: ~$3,000 (full home gym, ceramic grill, electronics, ect).
Liabilities
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Car Note: $10,500 (~1-2%)
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School Course: $1,200 (0%)
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401k Loan tied to mortgage: $8,000 (interest paid to self at T Bill Rate)
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Mortgage: $176,000 (3.45%) Payment: ~$1,350, pay $1,900 (more towards principal)
~$3,900 property tax (included in mtg escrow), $1,500 insurance (included in mtg escrow)*If I were to leave my position, the payout of my accrued vacation would be around $9,000, enough to cover the 401k loan.
As I alluded previously, the house causes me a lot of anxiety with the upkeep and fear that I am going to mess something up and lose value. I constantly discuss selling, but then am overcome with guilt about losing purchasing/closing costs. But, I find being in a house almost essential so I can continue to grill and use my home gym. But I am CONSTANTLY looking for ways out. I've considered the following:
- Sell House, Rent: Rental homes are more than my mortgage ($1,350) in my area. Commuting an hour+ would cheaper, but is fairly undesirable. Apartments run from about 650-850 for a 1/1. You can stoop down to about $500, but you(I) don't really want to be in those neighborhoods. The median for ones I'd consider is about $725, plus cat rent, so $750 for a quite dated apartment. Lack of privacy and people suck.
- Sell House, Buy a condo: for $120,000 or under, with HOA < $300/month. I like permanence because that translates to safety and privacy. I've really come off this idea, I may get fickle and want to move to the West Coast if everything goes tits up.
- Sell House, Buy House for Cash: Trading one demon for another. I'm at the entry point my my neighborhood/area. Again I would have to look at about an hour commute each way. Most likely what I'd find is a "fixer upper" and I'm not really all that handy. I could feasibly get some land ($15,000-$45,000) and drop a pre-fab shipping container home ($52,000) on a slab and build from there. This would meet my needs, but would limit my internet connection, telework capabilities, and honestly future earnings potential. Also, resale value....I don't think there would be much of a market for this type of home.
- Uproot and move again: I'm 4 hours from my nearest relatives now, 6.5 from the others. I moved to Austin for a bit, but didn't really care for the pricing and the lack of mobility around the city. Also, did not care to be 12-14 hours from family, so the move back helped keep in contact a bit. No real opportunities to fall back to live with family. They're all near 80, so driving distance seemed important at the time the move back to the Midwest decision was made.
- Keep house, flail out of control: Hey, it could work, right?
I have no clue what to do. I imagine I'll fall out of work by the end of the year, unless I can miraculously turn things around. I am significantly unhappy. The job itself, I can't really talk bad about. There isn't one thing that makes it terrible. There is flexibility and autonomy, but I just feel it's not for me anymore. Everyone has told me to "find something you'll love" or "find your passion," which I usually disregard, because I'm not sure that really exists.
I suppose I could start looking for other work, but I imagine I'd be looking at a starting salary of around $40-50,000. Maybe lower. I may be able to make ends meet on that, but it would hold back my retirement savings rate. Not to mention the blow to self-confidence (ego?) and the feelings of failure I'll have for "giving it all away" and potentially losing money in the process. And know the job isn't the worst thing in the world.....just makes me feel worse for not being able to suck it up and pull it out. I burn out of everything after a while (disorder). I used to be considered "pretty darn good" at what I did. I've just lost it. Lost my marbles, too. Feels bad.
Took a lot of guts to post this. Please be kind.
Submitted May 31, 2017 at 08:51AM by Falling_down_Icarus http://ift.tt/2qFJ1UW
