I am coming to this from the perspective of early retirement, which has always been my goal (but I dare not ask this on those subreddits, as I know I will immediately be called an idiot).
The idea of early retirement has been an obsession with me for some time. It has been, in my mind, the pinnacle of simple living--to have enough money to take care of basic expenses and not worry about the mundane, but stressful thoughts that come with needing an income.
My goal in college was to graduate (I have a literature degree), get a crappy job, save up and hike the PCT, and then become a teacher and become as frugal as I could.
When I graduated, I couldn't even find a shitty job. My lit degree, although I had graduated with honors, I'm sure didn't help. I spent six months working as customer service for AT&T and hated my life. My boyfriend found a job with a financial firm and told me to apply, I did.
I started at the bottom, and within 3 years have been promoted twice. I received my licenses to become a broker/dealer and a financial advisor and have had some great success at my job, and am making more than I ever could have imagined. I think the initial shock of being able to make what I do (I'm not making six figures or anything as of yet, but very likely can quickly) blinded me to my original dreams.
What is even better than the pay is the benefits, the company puts in what is effectively 17% of our pay towards a 401k that has a 5 year graded vesting period (am currently 40% vested). HSA's have money go in on the companies dime, and there is a pension used for health expenses that will put in about 3k every year. I don't think I will ever be able to find pay or benefits like this.
But for the past almost year and a half I have been waking up in a panic. I am filled with absolute dread. My performance at work is suffering. I began to become extremely depressed, miserable. I love the company I work for, but I hate my job. I never wanted to do this. It truly feels like golden handcuffs--especially with the vesting period on my 401k.
So I began to change quite a bit in hopes of finding happiness. I started to journal, eat right, exercise, and the big one is meditate. Once I began to meditate, I was able to recognize that the depression, the irritability, the dread, comes from me being living a life completely different than who I am or want to be.
It's not just the job, it's the persona I have to put on. The corporate politics, the formal dress, the extreme pressure and stress of a sales job and all of the cattiness and competitive bullshit that comes with it. The place that I live and the things that I do. None of it is me or even remotely close to what I want.
After a long meditation I had the strong intention to quit and hike the pacific crest trail, my original dream. Although I had originally told myself I would work this job for a year and then hike it, I extended that to 5 years to get my retirement. It feels like I have put my life on hold, like I can't progress, as I am just 'waiting' for my retirement to vest.
That would be 4 months away. I would have enough to hike it and to be able to live 6 mos afterwards and search for a job (very likely I think I would become a teacher).
But I just am unsure if that is truly simple, or truly what I want. As I get older, taking off of your work to go hike for 5 months seems almost pretentious, certainly extremely privileged. I feel quite a bit of guilt at the thought of giving up such a good job and benefits when I read about all the people that are struggling to find one, and I remember how difficult it was for me 4 years ago searching for a job. When I hear the news of war torn places like Syria or the extreme poverty of third world countries, it seems like I am playing the part of an extremely naive, privileged, and perhaps pretentious white girl to give up a well paying job, 60% of my vesting, and the benefits I get to go selfishly hike and 'find myself.' It seems self indulgent and has almost become a trope of the middle-class 'search for authenticity.'
I would love thoughts, insight, especially from people who have gone one way or the other and if they're happy or would have done it differently.
Submitted January 22, 2017 at 11:13AM by meowza312 http://ift.tt/2j1q0bD
