I should have thought more with my head than my heart before getting married. I am not without blame- let me say that first and foremost, because I should have thought more rationally or waited to get married until the details were thought out. I met my spouse when he was in his seventh year in a history Ph.D program. He told me he had around $150,000 in student loan debt, but I did not ask for statements. He said he would be fine- that he would enroll in PSLF and get a job teaching and the loans would be forgiven in 10 years. When we got married, I started handling the money and realized his student loans were actually $200,000. And PSLF sucks. And in the income-based repayment plan it could be 25-30 years until their forgiven and we would have to pay taxes on the forgiven amount (which by that time will probably be $400,000+).
Fast forward three years and he has graduated and cannot find a job after 1.5 years of looking. There are NO good prospects. He is teaching adjunct making about $15,000-$20,000 per year. In the income based repayment program, his income is so low that he does not have to make any payments on the loans. The longer he goes without a job, the longer we have to wait to start out in the shitty PSLF program because he needs to be employed full-time and he is not.
I am ALWAYS stressed about money. We are working on clearing up $20,000 of debt (was $30,000 a year ago, so progress). However, he doesn't seem to care about this debt- always says to me, "Once I get a job, that will get cleared up so fast I'm not going to worry about it now." The 200,000+ in his student loans, and the uncertainty of how we would ever pay that down or whether he will ever get it forgiven is keeping me up at night and we fight ALL the time about money. I am starting to get bitter that he is not trying harder to find a full-time job (he tells me there aren't any jobs to apply for, which may be true, but what else are we supposed to do??!?). He is even applying for jobs out of state, and has received NO calls or interview requests.
We have seen counselors but this does not help us with the core issue- I am always anxious about the loans and always will be. He won't and never will be. His motto is it will all just work out.
I fear I have chosen the wrong partner (again)- this is my second marriage. What is wrong with me, and how have I failed so miserably in life? I have two kids from my first marriage that I have to pay for college, and I feel like I am ruining their futures with my poor choices. I am not sure what kind of advice I'm seeking...maybe I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.
Submitted February 23, 2020 at 08:07PM by Reviseandresubmit_2 https://ift.tt/2TakF5X
