Again, I cannot thank everyone on this sub enough for the encouragement, the reality checks, the different perspectives and just the concern for a random lady on the internet. I received Reddit gold for the first time, and two separate people offered to help me with groceries. I gained a lot of clarity and I can never thank you all enough.
So I picked my ass up and completed some steps. We’re not in a good place, but we have a home, food and transportation.
I wish I had the sunshine and roses update.
I mentioned that my husband and I had had the talk about how the situation was equally our fault and both our responsibility. I had a few options for part time work lined up, he was dragging his feet. We had options for marriage and individual counseling through our EAP’s and he agreed to look into his.
I had a rough few days and backslid a little and let my anxiety get the best of me. I did manage to accept it as a “relapse” and move on. So, not claiming perfection by any means.
One evening I asked if he’d rather have Netflix or Hulu, because one was going to have to go. Then I told him Spotify was going the next day. He was upset about losing his music (which admittedly set me off right there) and I asked about his part time job. He said there was nothing on Indeed.
That night I did a basic search for side gigs and there were two that said they would work around any hours. Manufacturing so hours are wide open. Basically begging for anyone to come work whatever they can. My heart just broke. I knew then and there he was just going to let me shoulder all of it. He wasn’t going to change.
The next day I asked about the list of marriage counselors covered by his EAP. He blew up. Too stressed/busy/pressured to walk into HR at any time and even ask.
I lost it. I said a lot of things I cannot take back now.
Still had time/money/resources to get beer almost every night. He’s out right now drinking.
I called a bankruptcy attorney this week and have an appointment for next week. I will not do it. It’s on me for allowing myself to be the parent/manager/fixer for this long but he finally made me draw a hard line.
If the list of marriage counselors isn’t in my hand by the end of the week, I’ll insist on a legal separation. I’ll either be in intensive therapy or attending CoDependents Anonymous and Al-Anon next week. Maybe both. I very obviously have issues myself. I’m going to try to nail down an affordable place to live before the filing.
If he wants it, he has to do it.
Thank you again for your help and the time you took to try and help me and my family. This is one of the darkest places I’ve ever been and bankruptcy is going to suck ass, no matter if we’re divorced or married. But there is no way I’m going to dig us out of this hole while he just shovels sand right back into it. I just do not have it in me. I still have so much to deal with around being such a failure at finances and my marriage.
Submitted November 06, 2019 at 07:54PM by runningoutofrope https://ift.tt/2Cji6Xc
