I am a graduate student, and my partner is also. He is looking at postdoctoral positions as he is graduating soon and we are planning to have a long distance relationship while I finish my degree, estimated two to three years. Jobs in academia are tough to get and each step matters a lot for getting to the next tier. In regards to the relationship, I feel confident in us, he's a really special person. Thinking of my next career steps, most people in my life or academia assume I would make my next steps after or during graduate school based on maximizing my career success. I have a project that possibly could take me through all the way to the top. I have found however that I prefer a simple life, where I live according to my values and mainly focus on the experience of living while I still am. Basically, I'm well aware I'm going to die one day, have suffered with depression and suicidal ideation for most of my life, but this has led me to find it beautiful that I've had very meaningful experiences and am trained in a profession that overall brings me incredible joy and satisfaction, and so I plan on just enjoying my life until I die naturally, sticking in the present until I just, am not. This means that now I can be happy in a lot of different situations and am not very preoccupied with career success/external definitions of success. Mostly, I just want to be and live within my values. Have any of you been in a similar relationship situation and what did your experience look like? Did you move for your partner's career? Make choices that allow you to stay close with your loved one and not focus on your own path to success? Have you ever been shamed for this? As a woman, I think there are mixed expectations on this, especially in academia. Thinking of things like "Oh you gave up your career for your man" or "Of course you made this choice, women always want to focus on family" But then many couples outside of academia make career compromises based on being together, so maybe it's just something I'm preoccupied with because I'm in that bubble currently. I'm just thinking about this as we plan our next steps and thought it would be nice to hear some perspectives from this community, since we have a lot of the same values.
Submitted March 08, 2019 at 03:53PM by a_serious_woman https://ift.tt/2TnTiby
