Hello, was hoping to maybe get some guidance on my life. Recently graduated with a degree in software engineering. For the past ten years my life has been 80% drugs and alcohol and 20% hangovers. Earlier tonight, in a state of lucid depression, I finished writing my suicide note but decided to save it for an actual rainy day.
Mistake #1: About 12 years ago someone decided it would be fun to steal my identity and spend $1200 of my imaginary money. I didn't find out for another 2 years after the fact. I tried fighting it, but decided it would be easier just to drink and dodge the bill collectors. This was my first mistake. I'm still not sure what the actual status of that is since I haven't answered any phone calls from unknown numbers in over a decade.
Mistake #2: Went out to a shooting range with some friends, then we decided it would be fun if we went drinking afterwards. Perks of being in Mississippi is lax open carry laws. Disadvantage of being in Mississippi is the fact that you live in Mississippi. Well, I'm a bit of a lightweight. Only takes a few drinks for me to get hammered and one more for me to be blackout drunk. Apparently, after we left the bar (by the way, totally illegal to drink and open carry) I decided to go grocery shopping. At some point I must have scared a clerk because the cops were called. My smart ass decided to make the comment along the lines of "don't worry, if I'm going to shoot anyone, it'll be myself". This landed me in the psychiatric ward and what followed was approximately two weeks of 'hospitalization'. I didn't have any insurance and that ended with two bills, one for about $8k and another for approximately $22k. Christ, as if I wasn't ready to die already.
Mistake #3: Apparently the IRS claims I owe them $4k. No idea what for, as I'm a shitty excuse for a human and I just keep throwing the letters away. You know how little children will play "peek-a-boo" and they think as long as they can't see you, you can't see them? This is me with responsibility.
I made the decision at 18 years old that I was going to kill myself so nothing I did would have any consequence on myself in the long run. Only, for the first time in 12 years, I don't want to. I've come to the point where it's either piss or get off the pot, so to speak, and I'd rather just piss and get it out of the way. I'm in the first real relationship of my adult life with someone who is not only beautiful, but is extremely smart and witty and we both see a future with one another. I realize living for someone else kind of puts a lot of pressure on the other person, but she genuinely makes me want to be a better person. Part of the problem is that she's at a great point in her life, great credit, no loans (aside from a new car she just bought), great job, whereas I'm at the very bottom (although she doesn't know that).
For the last decade, I've been making just enough money to get by, and that's no longer something I want for myself. My rent is over half my paycheck and my basic bills (food, internet, phone, electricity, etc) are the rest. I have no idea how I managed to graduate as I couldn't actually program myself out of a box if someone handed me the pseudo-code and access to stackoverflow. I've been on autopilot for so long, memorizing just enough to barely pass every exam thrown at me. My work experience (8 years at an analytical lab that I was technically under-qualified for and a year as a phone-rep). I just don't know where to go from here. My hours have been cut a bit as we're just not busy, so my money issue is getting even tighter, and that doesn't even begin to touch the issue of actually paying back what I owe.
I'm debating whether filing for bankruptcy is the best idea, as my credit score is already so low I don't qualify for even the worst of APR credit cards. I only have a debit card and I looked at my bank account earlier and it scared tf out of me. Bright side, for the past ten years I've only purchased what was within my means. Any help on how to close this awful chapter of my life and move on to being the person I could be would be greatly appreciated.
Submitted January 11, 2019 at 02:52AM by Throwaway__Culture http://bit.ly/2ACEVos
