I just turned 30 and in the past few days I have been feeling depressed and not sure about my future. I'm looking for some advice but I need to describe to you my background and current situation first. I am sorry if it is a bit lengthy.
When I was 18 years old I tried for 2-3 years to get a degree from university in maths or engineering, but I ended up wasting my time and dropping because, even though I had a passion for the sciences, I found uni too hard and I wasn't committed enough.
Following a growing interest in photography and portraits, I then decided to get a diploma as fashion photographer (1year), after which I dedicated myself to the profession with deep passion and I became very good at it. During 3-4 years I landed a few commissioned works for respectable brands and I built a very solit portfolio as an artist. However, I became disillusioned with the industry, which mainly deals with superficial people and clients that talk talk talk but don't pay or are lunatic.
Long story short, even though I had passion, I didn't want to have to deal with this type of industry any longer so I moved overseas and at the age of 25 I decided to attack university again, with a stronger will and motivation.
I started a bachelor of science (chemistry major), I graduated in 3 years with good grades and not failing anything, and then I did an extra Honours year in chemistry (it is like a short Master's degree), where I graduated with the highest grades.
Throughout the past 4 years I decided that I would continue my studies into a PhD in chemistry, and this is currently the "plan". I applied for a scholarship to begin a PhD at my university in July 2017 and it has been granted. So if I don't change my mind about it, that is what I'm going to do for the next 3-4 years.
However, I am starting to have serious doubts about this whole plan. I had doubts before as well, all the time, but now they are getting stronger, and since I'm in this 6-months break before starting the PhD, I thought I'd like to make up my mind once and for all about my future and what I want to do. Then stick with it.
Basically, I'm feeling like I don't want to study anymore, I don't want to have to deal with massive amount of bureaucracy and paper work that I have to produce over the course of a PhD, and doing it would just be a "lazy" choice dictated by the fact that it would guarantee me a safe (although low) income for the next 3 years. I have been trying to find a temporary job as chemist in my city for the past 3 months, after graduation, but there are not many lab jobs for chemists, and I am not even sure if chemistry is something that I even want to do anymore to be honest.
If you asked me what I would like to do right now, if I could choose anything, I would tell you that I would love to have a little place where I could work as carpenter and make wooden things or work with wood in general. I would like to "build" or make something with my hands, doing a very old or traditional job. But I don't have the skills, or qualification or experience to work as carpenter. And it would mean to start on a whole new path at the age of 30, which doesn't seem the best option after all what I have been through in terms of experience and study.
Alternatively, I would still consider working as photographer, I still have a deep passion and love for it, but again the market is what it is, and there is no guaranteed income. The way I see it, I would always have to have another part-time or stable casual job on the side and photography alone would not allow me to sustain myself. When I was working in the past I was living in Italy, where the fashion industry is very solid, and still I wasn't landing enough jobs to allow me to be independent by just doing that (I was in fact working a casual job to pay the bills). You might think that I was shit and not competent or whatever, but that is not the reason. And I know plenty of young photographers even better than me that go through the same struggles. I don't have funds to invest in a studio or anything like that, but I do have professional camera and tools so I could still work with it, but it would be a freelancer kind of job, and I don't like uncertainties. I lived through those for a few years already. That's why continuing the university path is somewhat appealing to me.. Because it is guaranteed for at least 3 years, I know I will get paid to do research, and I can already envision the structure and what I am going to do. But trying to work as photographer again might just leave me unemployed for a long time..
Another career option that could stem from my degrees could be teaching, and I think I would like it. But here in Australia I would need to study an extra year to get a Teaching Degree, otherwise I would not be allowed to work. Also, speaking with friends that recently started this career, it seems to be a crazy amount of work with insane hours, if working with middle or high school students. I work occasionally as chemistry/maths tutor (freelancer), I like it, the pay is good and people seem to call me back, so that is cool. But it is just a few hours a week and so it's not like a career, it's more like something I could do as a side job.
I really value my free time, and I would like to do a simple job, living simply with enough money to pay my rent/bills and maybe save a little bit as well, that's it.
But I need some advice on what I should do from now onward. I am really confused. Doing a PhD would be the "best" thing in terms of career, and I would probably/possibly get a well paid job at the end of it, being it postdoc or other paths. Still, even though I love scientific research, I don't feel it is the right thing for me in the long run. I'd rather follow a simpler career and get "enough" money, rather than a more "prestigious" career and get "more" money. Plus, If I really want to work as chemist I believe that getting a PhD is not even necessary. Still, the thought of not having to worry about paying the bills for 3 years straight is very attractive. But I am almost certain that I wouldn't want to continue on a postdoc career after the PhD, and so why should I waste 3-4 years of my life when I could spend them to develop something else and make it my main job during that time?
Any thoughts? What should I do?
Sorry for the long post.
Submitted January 20, 2017 at 11:20PM by idontknow3087 http://ift.tt/2jhYDep
